the painting was done. now, i had no real reason to be in alex's house anymore. i didn't really want to leave, but it would be so inappropriate and rude if i stayed. although i considered him to be a friend, i couldn't make any assumptions to how he felt about me.
packing didn't take long, since i only had a backpack full of items anyway. part of me was tempted to take the tee shirt alex had given me, even though it was beyond stupid looking. i wanted to keep it so i didn't forget about the one person who gives me hope for this god awful world, but it would be wrong to take it.
now came the part i've been dreading. saying goodbye. i felt my lip tremble as i tried to gather the words in my head. now, i understood why this boy had so much of an impact on me. alex wasn't as simple as i originally thought. he was one of the most complex people i've ever met. i haven't even heard of someone as devoted to help others as alex is.
people are selfish, it's in their nature. yet, he seemed to forget about himself frequently. he was loud and funny when placed with the right people, as if he was a flower in the sunlight. he was damaged, i wasn't sure why or how, but he had been hurt, and it was obvious. he had a serious tone when needed, along with the ability to care, sometimes a little too much.
but the thing is, when you think this fondly of a person, they usually don't feel the same.
i hadn't noticed the very boy i was thinking about enter the room until he tapped me on the shoulder. i turned to him, not being able to meet his face.
"i need to talk to you." alex speaks quietly, meaning this was important. he takes a few deep breaths before speaking again. "i can't pay you right now."
i look up at him in confusion. "what do you mean?"
"one of my some-what distant family members had to be hospitalized and i'm the main source of income for my whole family, i gave them all the money they needed without thinking." alex's eyes are glued to the floor. his eyes were red, and his face was wet.
"alex," i hesitate, but put my arm on his shoulder. "that's the right thing to do."
"no, no, no! because now i can't give you any money and i don't want you to be living on the streets anymore!" he waves his arms in the air, covering his face before sitting down. what would alex do if i was in this situation?
"al, c'mon, listen to me. i can live on the streets and be okay. your family is at a higher risk than me right now."i sit next to him, being careful to speak gently.
suddenly, alex jumps to me, covering me in a hug. it was a little uncomfortable, because he was sobbing on me, but i didn't really mind. i knew alex was a very touchy person sometimes, and i could use a hug or two.
"i want to help both of you." he says, mumbling into my hair.
"you can't help everyone." i pat his back.
"hold on." alex suddenly stops crying, pulling away to face me. "what if instead of paying you, i let you stay here?" there's a hopeful grin on his face, and i'm too much of a coward to look him in the eyes. i knew if i did, i'd agree.
"i'd love to, i really, really would, but that's not fair to you." i needed to do what was best for him. i hadn't known him long, but i knew him well enough to know that i didn't want to hurt him. i was better on my own. i couldn't hurt anyone when i'm on my own.
"i want you here." he grabs my face, forcing me to meet his eyes. it wasn't aggressive, but it startled me and it definitely got my attention.
"why?" the words slip out of my mouth before i can think.
"because you're my friend and you don't deserve to live the way you did." his tone is almost aggressive, but at the same time protective.
i made the mistake of looking into his eyes. for the first time in my life i felt like i belonged somewhere, why should i run from it?
"okay." my voice cracks as i try not to to cry. i was making this much more emotional than it needed to be, but i had never felt needed before.
alex hugs me tightly, like i'll fly away if he doesn't hold me. "thank you, thank you, thank you."
it was obvious, this boy was doing shit to me. he had completely changed my world around, and for the first time, it was for the better. part of me was still mad that i was letting another person do this to me, but the other part was waiting for somebody to give me a chance like this.
it occurred to me that i had worked so fucking hard lately, just to stay alive. ever since i ran away, i had been working. i've been alone, i've seen that people let down others, i've seen my own hopes get crushed. maybe i deserved this.
i've been alone, tired, lonely and anxious. i knew that meeting alex was lucky, but i did meet him, and i shouldn't take that away because i was used to not having anything good.
a lot was going on in a short period of time, but maybe that wasn't that bad.
