~NICOLE'S POV~
I've been with Johnny for the last week and both him and his mom are very welcoming. But I couldn't help but feel uninvited. I mean I did show up randomly I just hate to put the stress all on the family. Johnny and I were best friends. I hated the feeling. The feeling as if everything has changed, the feeling that things aren't the same as they were before. But that's something that has taken a huge aspect into my life; change. I don't deal with change very well. I have terrible coping mechanisms, I push everyone away, I need to change myself. But how?
Johnny: "Knock knock." he said, interrupting my thoughts.
Nicole: "You can come in." I said, rubbing my eyes.
Johnny: "Are you doing okay?" he asked, slowly entering.
I sat up against the headboard.
Nicole: "Of course, why wouldn't I be?" I asked.
Johnny: "Just checking in." he said with a smile.
He sat on the bed next to me.
Johnny: "Do you want to go smoke a cigarette?" he asked.
Nicole: "Don't have to ask me twice." I said standing up from the bed.
Johnny: "Let's go then." he said, reaching for my hand.
I smiled and let him take my hand and lead us to the balcony.
He pulled out a pack of cigarettes and handed me one.
Nicole: "What time is it?" I asked looking at him.
He pulled his phone out and looked.
Johnny: "About 5 am." he said, placing his phone.
I wasn't surprised, we always stayed up late together.
I lit the end of the cigarette with a lighter that Johnny gave me.
Nicole: "Johnny?" I asked, taking in all of the nicotine.
Johnny: "Yes?" he replied. doing the same.
Nicole: "Just be honest with me real quick." I started, looking at my socks.
Johnny: "Of course, what's up?" he asked, turning his body towards me.
Nicole: "Are you sure you want me here?" I asked, sorrow in my eyes.
Johnny: "Duh, why wouldn't I want you here?" he replied.
Nicole: "No reason, just wondering." I gave him a fake smile, and looked at the sun about to rise.
Johnny: "You're not a burden, Nicole. I know what you're thinking." he added.
He embraced me into a warm, and tight hug.
Nicole: "Okay." I replied softly.
~10 PM~
I was packing that very same day. I knew that if I stayed any longer, I would start projecting my feelings onto him. So I packed everything up into my suitcase, called Porter and he was getting the jet ready for me.
It wrote a goodbye letter.
Johnny,
By the time you read this, I will be on my jet back home. If that's what you want to call it. I'm sorry I couldn't say goodbye and leave you like this. I just didn't want to start projecting any of my negative feelings onto your or your mother. I am truly thankful you let me stay here and me leaving has nothing to do with you. I love you so very much and you can call me or stay with me whenever you want. I gave you a kiss on the cheek like what we did as children. Goodbye Johnny.
It's better this way,
Nicole Logan
I quietly walked to Johnny's room, let a tear fall, and kissed him slowly on the cheek. I put the note on his nightstand and walked out. The rain had started and was now pouring now. I noticed that Porter had pulled up to the house, and waited for me. I opened the front double doors, and let another tear fall. I shut the door quietly and started to walk out to the gate. I stepped into the limo that Porter was driving. Porter came out and opened the back seat door for me.
Porter: "It's lovely to see you again, miss." he said with a faint smile.
I gave him a gentle smile and sat down. He shut the door behind me and went back to the driver's seat. I had given the house one more look before I left it. Porter was pulling off when the car hit a quick stop. Porter grabbed a gun from the driver's seat door and he loaded it up. Johnny was at my window.
Johnny: "Nicole what's going on?" he asked, tears forming in his eyes.
He had the now wet note in his hand while the other was on the window. The tears were pouring my eyes now.
Nicole: "Porter it's okay, it's just Johnny." I said, opening the door.
Porter put down his gun and put the car in park.
I stood out of the car and Johnny was hurt. I looked into his crushed eyes as he began to sob.
Johnny: "Where are you going?" he asked, the rain was heavily pouring from his hair now.
Nicole: "Johnny, I can't stay here. I'm not- i'm not good for you." I said, crushing his more.
Johnny: "Please don't leave me, not again." he said sobbing.
I couldn't hold the mental break down in anymore.
Nicole: "I'm sorry." I said and walked back to the back seat door.
Johnny: "No no Nicole please. Please don't do this." he begged.
Nicole: "I'm sorry." I shut the door behind me and Porter put the car in drive.
Johnny stayed at my window.
Johnny: "Nicole, please I need you. Don't do this to us." he cried.
Nicole: "Porter pull away please." I asked, and he listened.
I watched as I broke Johnny's heart further and further. His hands were covering his mouth and he sobbed into them. I couldn't look. I could hurt anyone else, but him. I broke that. I hate this.
I fucking hate this.
