~NICOLE'S POV~
Another week has gone by and it hasn't gotten any better. I haven't gotten much sleep either. Its 4 am and I wanted the day to be over already. And the sun hasn't even come up yet. I dreaded everyday. Everyone in the house besides Payton have checked in on me. And i'm thankful but nothing seems to be working. Maybe I should go fuck the person that Payton is closest with. Just to get him off my mind. But that probably isn't a good idea.
I'm downstairs now. An unlit cigarette between my fingers, and an iced coffee in the other. I was sitting on the balcony of the fourth story. The sun has yet to come up. I took a lighter, set the lighter between my teeth, and flicked the lighter on to the end of cigarette and sucked as the end lit red. I removed the lighter, placed the cigarette in my fingers and let the nicotine fill my lungs. It was nice. I don't smoke. But this is nice. A minute later, the double glass door to the balcony opened. I didn't bother moving my eyes from the sky. So I waited til they said something. I rested my head on their shoulder. It was Chase. He rested his head on mine and I took another hit from my cigarette. I put the cigarette up to his mouth and he took a hit as well. We sat there for a while. Didn't say anything. And I was enjoying myself. This very moment, I was at peace.
I missed my mom. She was the best person I ever met. She was my soulmate. I loved her so much and now I really need her. She would hold my hand and tell me how I was worth so much more. To feel her hand on mine. God it would put me at ease. And no matter how much I felt at peace right now, I knew it wouldn't last long. Fuck this is so hard. At night, I would take the ring she always wore and talk to her. I knew she was listening because I felt the ring get warm. Like she was still wearing it. I would pray to god to bring my mom back. Every night. She would always tell me how she wanted to see me at my wedding. How pretty I would look and how proud she would be of me. I was one and a million to her. I lost her so young too. I never knew how much I needed her till now. I wasn't a stubborn child either. I never shut her out. I always would miss her if I was training with my dad or doing online school with my brother.
Pills were my best friend now. I kept a stash of them in my nightstand drawer and i'd pop a few in my mouth. Such as xanax or oxy-cotton. They numbed me but I didn't want to be numb anymore. I wanted it gone. I couldn't even think about sex either. Which is what I would turn to if I felt like this. Not a good thing either. But it made me feel something. Just for a second. I didn't really like what the pills would do to me all the time. I wanted something stronger or a different feeling. I took acid tabs every other day. But it was so hard to do that. The come down was excruciating. I felt like I was dying again and again. A few days ago, I was tripping hard. But it made me happy. But a 8 hours later, I felt the come down beginning. I'd attempt to lock the room door. Lock the balcony door. And go to the bathroom. I looked at myself in the mirror which is a major rule you should not break if your on acid or shrooms. I saw something I shouldn't have seen. My face. And my body was. I can't even explain it. I stood there and screamed. I'd scream and cry. I couldn't stop myself. It made my tripp worse and worse slowly. Everyone in the house including Payton would break down the door and be absolutely terrified of what I was becoming. Of what I was. Inhuman. But no matter how hard everyone tried calming me down, I couldn't stop freaking out. I guess I really shouldn't have looked in the mirror.
~THREE DAYS EARLIER~
Bryce: "NICOLE WHAT DID YOU TAKE?!" he yelled, trying to hold me down.
I couldn't focus on what was going on. Not one word came out of my mouth.
Bryce: "NICOLE ANSWER ME!" he begged, tears forming in his eyes.
Josh: "SEARCH THE ROOM!" he ordered.
Everyone trashed the room, digging under the floor practically. They found the tabs I had been taking and all the empty pill bottles. Did I fail to mention that I took both oxy-cotton and xanax with three acid tabs? Oh well surprise I did.
Nick found the pill bottles and the tabs. His hands were shaking. Tears pouring from his eyes.
Nick: "I-I found them." he said turning around and showing Bryce.
Nick: "She took acid, a-and xanax, and oxy-cotton." he said shaking. He could barely make out a word.
Everyone fell. They all cried louder and harder. Avani and Mads were on either side of me. Talking to me, keeping me alive. I couldn't do anything but scream and cry. I heard everyone screaming and yelling at one another. But I was so zoned in on how I was even functioning. I got knocked out. I don't remember whether it was my body or someone else. All I could remember was that when I woke up, it was 24 hours later.
Moral of the story, don't do drugs. But that didn't even stop me there.
