yours || xion X leedo

part eleven ( tw // depression )

xion's pov

today is the day i'm discharging out of this hospital. finally i can be alone at home without any attention from anyone. i hate it here. woong will come and pick me up in a few mins so i better pack up my stuff quick.

i walked down the stairs, and went outside the building. woah hello world. i was about to sit at a bench somewhere near the hospital but i heard the honking sound of a car and a voice calling out "xionniee aahhh" which made me knew who it was.

i looked at him and walked towards his car. i got in to the seat beside him and closed the door.

"xionnie aaaa" he teased.

"stop calling me that." i said, coldly.

" sigh, okay, sorry. urm do u wanna grab a coffee? my treat." he asked.

"no. just go home." i said. "i don't want to do anything. i just want to go home , and have a rest."

"o-okay, well then your home it is" hwanwoong murmured.

the whole drive was a complete silent. none of us talked, the atmosphere in the car was kinda heavy , because i am being so cold towards him just now. i kinda felt sorry for giving that kinda attitude towards him.

"sorry." i said feeling guilty.

"huh? what? for what?" he questioned.

"my attitude just now. i was cold towards you." i answered.

"ahh its okay , no worries, i understand why you're being so cold.." he smiled.

no you don't. nobody understands.

"thank you" i smiled a bit.

the rest of the drive was going very smoothly until i just realised that i am in a car. the driver is hwanwoong.

"woongie ya, who's car is this? why are you driving? why am i in a car? did you take your driving license already? wha-" i panicked , my anxiety really increased when realising that i might get into an accident again or or might be caught for not having a driving licence or-

"shhh, chill dongju, it's okay, this is my dad's car, i am driving because i know you can't walk well, and no, i haven't take my driving licence yet but i know how to drive so don't worry, okay?" he said calmly.

"but w-what if we get caught? " i asked, trying to breathe normally.

"no no, its okay, today the road is clear of polices. so don't worry okay, " he said.

"o-okay" i replied. sigh how can i just realised that a 16 year old human beside me is driving a car... i must've been so lost in my thoughts.

not long after the conversation ended, we arrived in front of my house or should i say keonhee's house.

"okayy we're here now." hwanwoong said as i nodded.

"thank you for driving me home. appreciate it. take care okay" i said and waved at him before walking into the house.

as i walked into the house, i was genuinely surprised because what i saw today in the living room was two male making out on a red sofa in front of me, shirtless, soft moans coming out from someone's mouth i don't know whose it was, they didn't even noticed i was in front of them until i closed the door.  the both of them faced the door, looking at me, without any embarrassed expression whatsoever.

"uhh.... i'm...... back?" i greeted shyly urm not knowing what to do or how to react.

"hey" keonhee and seoho smiled like nothing happened. the both of them adjusted their seats on the sofa to a more appropriate position.

i just eyed those two from the spot i'm standing right now, seeing seoho hyung shirtless was a bit of a sight cause his toned body and his white chocolatey skin damn no wonder keonhee hyung likes him so much. sigh he must've been lucky to have seoho hyung as his soulmate.

but they're shameless asf pls send help to me ;)

"how are you doing now?" seoho hyung asked.

"i... am doing okay. don't worry." i responded still being a bit awkward because the traumatising image of them making out in front of me is stuck in my head at the moment.

"uhh go take a shower, the hospital has a lot of sick people and i don't want you to get sick so yea go take a shower." keonhee said.

"o-okay" i just nodded and walked to my room. sigh those two really need to learn and get some privacy. but somehow i am jealous of them. their relationship. seeing them being like that actually hurts me. a lot.

i walked into my bedroom and just threw my bag to the side of the bed. i laid down at my bed and just stared at the window beside me. the clouds are gloomy so i'm guessing it is about to rain. i just sighed and walked to the bathroom to take a shower.

i twisted the shower tap , and the water started to shower me up with its coldness.

i feel nothing. i don't know what to feel. i don't know why am i feeling like this. but it hurts. i need something. my heart is hurting. my chest is hurting. everything about niki came back. it hurts. im pinching myself as hard as i can to endure the pain. but it doesn't help. i'm running out of breath, i can't breathe. i'm panicking. trying to do the breathing exercises the nurse told me. but i can't. help. i need something.

i slowly placed myself on the wet floor , i can't stand up anymore.

i saw something. it's shiny. it's sharp. i took it.

i can breathe now. i can breathe.

i realised. i realised. niki is gone.

i dropped it. what have i done?

a part of my wrist opened a bit. red liquid was running down my wrist.

it feels so... good?

to be continued ....

hi my lovely readers ! i am sorry for the very late update, i am very busy of family matters so i hope you'll understand. anyways i hope today's chapter was okay for you. i am a bit busy but i'll try my best to update for you all!

okay now i love you all! bye have a good day or night, take care! 🥰