A Million Dreams :: verkwan

MD :: 83

*seungkwan*

i shook my head side to side not buying what he reasoned out to me. i am? his dream? no. i will never be. his dream? there in new york! his dreams was waiting for him there! he needs to reach it. he needs to chase it. he needs it, for the best of himself.

i wipe my tears still shaking my head side to side. "just go! your dreams arent here! you know where?" i arched him a brow even though my eyes keeps dropping tears every second. "there! there in new york! your dreams are waiting for you there so i want you to go! you have to go!" i even gestured him the door firm enough making him shook his head.

he will just go! i just want him to go, but why does he had to make it harder like this?!

"i want to stay seungkwan! i dont want to leave you. ." even if my vision was blurry, i can still see how tears escape from his eyes. for the past moments that ive seen him crying. . this moment was the most painful one. seeing him crying like this makes me weak. makes my legs tremble. makes my heart shatter. "let me stay seungkwan. . please let me stay." he sounded like he was totally begging to stay. but he shouldn't. . i couldn't.

i shook my head. "not in every single second i could say that word. all i want for you is to go!"

"why is it so easy for you to say that?!"

"why is it so hard for you to go?!" i fired back. i heave a sighed after i almost crack my voice in the end. the lump on my throat making me hard to speak. "i want the best for you hansol. im not doing it because i dont want you here anymore, im doing it for you. for yourself. for your future."

"but i want my future with you."

i shut my eyes. "just please. . go." if earlier he was the one who's begging, now the tables had turned.

i admit that i want him to stay. . but i dont want him to regret everything what he could have and what he couldn't. no matter how much he told me that i was his future and i was his dream, the time will come that he will regret it for not flying too high than what he did. and i dont want us to reach that kind of level. if i have to force him to go, ill do it. im doing it for him. im doing this for the both of us.

i dont want him to get tied with me like this. there's so much things he needs to see by his own. the world was huge for him to explore. the world doesnt stop here, because the world was out there. . in new york.

thats what i wanted him to see. thats what i wanted him to realized.

"go hansol. go for your dream. go and explore the world. please. . just go."

he heave a sighed and he wipe his tears away. his phone was still ringing and i can see that it was sofia calling him multiple times now.