A Million Dreams :: verkwan

MD :: 32

*seungkwan*

i stared on the ceiling which i saw nothing but a pair of silver and gold chandelier and a beige color. i stared at it, and what hansol had told me awhile ago keep s ricocheting on my head. it was like broken record that keeps playing and keeps echoing from my left ear to my right ear.

i swallowed hard as i felt that hansol was also staring at the same ceiling. we are here already on our suite. the rain suddenly poured earlier to we had no choice but to go back and rest.

i was still occupied with the words he told me awhile ago. that he has a company now. . which means, his future are well planned now. theres nothing holding him back from doing and from reaching those.

and that made me envied him. before, he envied me for being an entertainer enough, but right now i envied him, he already had his future in his hands. he is. . indeed one step closer to his dream.

but why does my heart keeps shrinking now that i know that he was leaving? that he was leaving to acheive his dream. he was leaving. . and ill be left here. alone. without him.

"n-nonnie?" i swallowed hard to maintain my voice and to prevent them from cracking.

"yes?" i heard how he cleard his throat. was he also thinking the same? does he also feeling the same?

"the new york. . can you explain that to me more clearer?"

i keep my eye on the ceiling even though i want to see his reaction. i want to see how it was affecting him. . but i just couldn't since i dont want him to see me like i was going to break any minute. it left me flabbergasted. i never see those coming, and i never know that hansol is leaving.

i heard him heave a sighed. i seem so deep. "im originally from new york. i born in new york, and my family already settled that we must continue our career there." i gulped my own saliva while listening to his words. "we were just staying here since my dad's work was destined here in seoul. his work will last for two years, the contract said it, enough until the graduation."

"after graduation, we will fly back to new york and i will continue my dreams there. i told you before why i only take architecture, it was for a back up. but the real deal was, i already settled my future there in new york. after the graduation. ." i heard how he was hesitant to say the next phrase. i see the movement of his adams apple that he was swallowing hard. "after graduation, im leaving."

i crooked my head to the right before he could caught me. but when i crooked my head sideways, a tear escape from my eye without my consent and my permission. i keep swallowing hard while processing the words he just said.

he was really leaving. . it was really all planned. theres nothing holding him back, really. his future was there in new york. away from here, away from seoul, away from me, away from us.

i dont know why but my heart was breaking. i felt it scattering into tiny pieces. i never knew that he was leaving, he never informed me that. he never made his goals clear to me more earlier. now that he dropped everything now, it was hard for me to accept that in the near months, he will leave me here.

"b-boo, im sorry for not telling it to you more sooner. i was. . just scared to see your reactions. im really really sorry."

i know that he was staring at me and waiting for me to look at him, but i cant. i dont want him to see my reaction, i dont want him to see me crying.

"im sorry, boo."

i didnt know what happened next, i just saw myself being devoured by darkness but those are enough for me to feel how the last tear escape and slide on my cheeks.

when i woke up around seven in the morning, hansol wasnt on our room already. guess he woke more early than me. i folded the mattress then i jolt myself on the bathroom. i washed my face, brushed my teeth and did some routine there. i did not bother to change my clothes since i could do those later.

i went out of the room and i saw hansol preparing some breakfast. i was ready now to face him, good thing that my eyes didnt get swollen so he wouldn't know that i cried last night. he jerked his head to me as he smile big, i smiled also and sat on the chair while watching him serving the foods.

it was ham and eggs. those flinched my nostrils so i got starve in no time. i did not wait for him to serve me cause i can do it by myself. i signalled him to sit already so that we could eat and enjoy our last day here at the beach even though we almost did everything yesterday.

while munching the food inside of my mouth, i stared at his features in front of me. i remember how happy he was last night when he performed. he told that he wasnt that good, but he was really good overall. i saw how he smile while singing and strumming the guitar there. how he deal with the crowds and how i saw his future there.

hansol is special to me. and just like what i wanted for my other friends, i want them the best. so if hansol may find his best in new york even without me, its fine. as long as he will be best there and as long as he would be happy there on his own.

and most importantly, as long as he will do what he love to do there, its fine to me.

it was so hard to accept that he will leave me here, but who am i to stopped him from achieving his dreams, right? plus it was all planned. there's no turning back, no holding back. his future already served in front of him.

"nonnie."

he jerked his head to me. he swallowed the food inside his mouth, "boo?" he called back.

i smiled. "about last night. ." i swallowed hard then i smiled. big enough to convince that i wasnt mad or pissed. "you may not clear your goals to me more sooner, but i understand now. im sorry for what i acted last night. . i was just, surprise to know that you are leaving. . that,"

i heave a sighed. "that you'll going to leave me here."

"im sorry."

i shook my head. "you should not. you didnt do anything. im sorry, im sorry for making you apologize because you have a dream and those are all well settled now in new york. im sorry nonnie for not understanding those clearer."

"i-i understand."

i looked at him and i caught him staring at me. i smiled again. my most sweet smile.

"go, nonnie. go and fly. you are special to me and what i want for you was the best. and if you'll be best there in new york, ill let you. it was going to be fine to me."

"as long as you're achieving your dreams there, it will be fine to me. do what you love to do and soar high." i wanted to stood up and cupped his face but i will looked like his boyfriend so i stayed on my spot even though my feet wanted to stand and hug him. "right now nonnie, im telling you. im so proud of whatever you may become in the future."

"boo." he called me making my mouth shut. "theres still one school year. its still long way to go there, dont say that like im leaving tomorrow."

i chuckled. "im sorry. im just. . you know? proud? yeah. always remember that im proud of you."

he smiled to me. his genuine smile. "im proud of you, too, my boo."

we both laughed before we continued eating our breakfast.