Bumpy Roads

Grandma

EMILY'S DOCUMENTARY
November 16, 2006

Dammit. Oops sorry guys, I almost dropped the camera *chuckle* anywaysss yesterday was my first day at the BAU and.....WE HAD A CASE AHH! It was so thrilling the rush of chasing the unsub, which may I add I tackled him when he tried to run. But let me tell y'all something my co-worker Jennifer Jareau oh god she is SO beautiful! I may or may not have had a little day dream about kissing her....but I mean I just met her I can't go up to her and say, "hi you're very attractive date me." I would sound crazy!
Anyways I love all my co-workers, I mean they still seem sad about their friend leaving, but I think I'm growing on them! I played poker with JJ which I found out Jennifer likes being called, Derek, and Spencer.
Apparently Spencer grew up in Vegas but I still beat him *chuckle* it's funny because he thought I was bluffing.

"Meow."

Serg making your second star appearance on my videos I see. I'll get you your food stop your fussing. Come on guys let's go, well I mean you can't move so I'm just going to carry you but still let go!
I'm gonna put on some tunes, and cook a little dinner as a celebratory way of having an amazing first day at work.

OUUU I LOVE THIS SONG! My Grandma used to sing this to me when she watched me, my mom was an ambassador so we moved around a lot and I never really had a good childhood, but my grandma singing this to me as a child really was special. She passed away when I was 12 though. It seems like after that things became much much harder in life.

"Blackbird singing in the dead of night. Take these broken wings and learn to fly. All your life. You were only waiting for this moment to arise."

Oh gosh look at me I'm crying. I miss her a lot though she's the one who taught me to cook she was Italian so she made some of the best dishes I've ever tasted. My favorite being, Ossobuco. Boy when I tell you that dish made my mouth water.
*chuckle* She knew it was my favorite too every time she came to visit, she would make that and then we made our favorite dessert, Ciarduna.

That was kinda our thing cooking. I remember I think my all time favorite memory we have together is, when I was about 9 I think we-we had a little picnic. Now this was when I lived in Italy so I saw her a lot more. Well we had a picnic which she made with my favorite foods, and of course Ciarduna. Well I didn't know where we were going because she said we were going to the park for this picnic, but when we passed it I was utterly confused.
We ended up at this amazing lake area the trees, and everything...it was just so breathtaking. Anyways it wasn't even daylight yet and once we finished our main foods the sun was just about to rise, and so she told me, she said *sniffle*.

"Bella you know what my all time favorite thing to do as a little girl was? It was to bite into a Ciarduna right when the sun was about to rise, something about the warmth of the pastry and the sunlight colliding makes the best feeling. Would you like to try with me?"

I did and it was the best feeling ever. That has to be the best memory ever.
Then 3 years later she was diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease. They said she only had maybe a year left to live *tears falling* sh-she only lived for 4 months after being diagnosed.
That was like the hardest time of my life. I lost my best friend, then my mother blamed me for it and kinda disowned me.
I had to mature rather quickly about when I was 13, but I started being really rebellious after her death. I mean I smoked, drank, I was a wreck.
But at the end of the day I hated myself even more for it because I knew my Grandma was probably looking down at me and frowning. I wish I could just tell her how sorry I was and still am that...that I did the one thing she always asked me never to do.

Lose myself. She always said.

"Bella I know I ask you to make a bunch of tough promises, but the one promise I will always beg of you to keep is to never lose yourself, because if you lose yourself you lose everything."

She always gave me the best advice. If I ever needed to talk about something to someone I would always turn to her, I never had many friends growing up since I moved around a lot, but I knew I could turn to her.
She was really the only one I opened up to after she died I built walls around myself never really letting anyone get past them. *wipes away tears*

Well let's get off the sad moping subject and look at the bright side. I'm alive and well, super healthy, have an amazing job, starting to kinda make friends I hope, have the best man in my life and the only one that I need might I add.

"Meow."

That's right Sergio no man can ever replace you! Oh yay the foods done!

"Meow."

No no no this isn't for you bud I already gave you your food.
Oh look at this! This is another one of my Grandma's recipes that we always made together. Spaghetti alla Carbonara.
Well I should probably end this so I can eat then clean up. Have to be up bright and early for my second day of work.

Fair well my amazing people's or whoever's watching this if anyone ever does find these in the future *giggle* as always this isn't goodbye forever just for a little bit. Bye

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