Paradise (Book One)

Sometime Love Just Ain't Enough

Now, I don't want to lose you,
but I don't want to use you just to have somebody by my side.
And I don't want to hate you,
I don't want to take you, but I don't want to be the one to cry.
And I don't really matter to anyone anymore.
But like a fool I keep losing my place and
I keep seeing you walk through that door.

But there's a danger in loving somebody to much,
and it's sad when you know it's your heart you can't trust.
There's a reason why people don't stay where they are.
Baby, sometimes love just ain't enough.

Now, I could never change you,
I don't want to blame you.
Baby, you don't have to take the fall.
Yes, I may have hurt you, but I did not desert you.
Maybe I just want to have it all.
It makes a sound like thunder, it makes me feel like rain.
And like a fool who will never see the truth,
I keep thinking something's gonna change.

But there's a danger in loving somebody to much,
and it's bad when you know it's your heart they can't trust.
There's a reason why people don't stay who they are.
Baby, sometimes love just ain't enough.

And there's no way home when it's late at night and you're all alone.
Are there things that you wanted to say?
And do you feel me beside you in your bed,
there beside you where I used to be?

But there's a danger in loving somebody to much,
and it's bad when you know it's your heart you can't trust.
There's a reason why people don't stay where they are.
Baby, sometimes love just ain't enough.

"Nagsisisi ka ba?"

"Ha?"

"I'm asking if you're regretting giving him that answer."

"I don't know."

"Pero bakit nga ba yun ang isinagot mo?"

"I don't know."

"Eto na naman tayo, kahit anong tanong ko, pare-pareho ang sagot mo."

"Naguguluhan ako Maj. I know I love him, I'm 100% sure of that. Pero something is stopping me to say yes immediately. I'm not afraid of being with him. That's actually my ultimate wish, ang makasama siya forever. But don't you think it's too soon?" Humahanap siya ng tamang dahilan bakit humindi siya sa alok ng binata.

Yep! She said the big NO.
 

"Will you marry me, Asher Tua Geronimo?"

Napabangon si Asher sa pagkakahiga.

"What? Pakiulit ng tanong mo?"

"I'm asking if you will marry me."

"What kind of question is that Gerald?"

"Anong klaseng tanong naman yan?" tinagalog lang nito ang tanong niya.

"Don't get me wrong, but isn't it too fast? Kapapagbati lang nating dalawa kanina, yan agad nasa isip mo?"

"Eh ano pa ba dapat kong isipin? I love you, you love me. It will go to the point of us gettinig married. Why not make it now?"

"Bakit ka ba nagmamadali?"

"Dahil ayokong mawala ka pa sa akin. Hindi ako sigurado kung tatanggapin mo pa ako kapag sinabi ko sa iyo ngayon ang totoo," sagot ni Gerald, pero sa sarili lamang niya sinabi yon.

"I simply love you. I want to spend my lifetime with you."

"It's not as simple as that, and you know it. Baka nabibigla ka lang, with all the emotions spent in the past hours.
We're both too emotional right now, why not take it slow? Getting married is not a joke that we can leave if it doesn't work. At saka, bata pa tayo. Marami pang...."

"Why don't you just go straight to the point?"

"What....?"

"You don't want to marry me."

"Gerald!?!"

"It's okay." Umayos ito nang higa, pinilit bumaling sa kabilang direksiyon na hindi siya nakikita. "Yeah, you're right. I was too fast. Hindi nga ako nag-iisip ng mabuti. Just forget what I said," his voice full of sarcasm.

"Ge!?!?"

"I'm tired. If you don't mind, I need to rest." At pumikit na ito.

"Ge, please?" niyuyugyog niya braso nito para bumaling sa kanya. "Baby Boy, please? Let's talk about this as mature people, please?"

Nagmulat ito ng mata at tumingin sa kanya. "Since you're the only mature person here, there's no use of talking. Wala ring patutunguhan 'to. Don't worry, I'll just sleep this over and tomorrow I'll consider it a bad dream. Sorry if I proposed. Gustuhin ko mang bawiin, nasabi ko na. Consider it as a joke na lang. Tawanan mo na lang ang walang kuwenta kong proposal."

At tuluyan na itong pumikit, ipinatong pa ang kanang braso sa may mata, akmang matutulog na talaga.

"Gerald, please?!?! Don't start a fight! And don't you dare sleep on me!" frustration was obvious in her voice.

"I'm not starting a fight," nakapikit nitong sagot. "Di ba nga agree na ako sa sinabi mo? I'm an immature, over emotional, inconsiderate asshole."

"Ge..."

"I'm really tired Asher, please. Let's stop this." At ipinaling na ang ulo palayo sa kanya.

Wala na siyang nagawa pa.

Tuluyan na siyang umalis ng kama. Inayos niya ang nalukot na parte pati na rin ang kumot na gamit ng binata. She fixed herself, and when she's ready, she went to the other side of the bed and kissed Gerald on his temple.

"I'm sorry, Ge, but I can't really say yes now. But I do love you, remember that," bulong niya dito.
Mabigat ang loob na lumabas siya ng kuwarto. Hindi naman naka lock ang pintuan katulad ng sinabi ni JV kanina.

As she walked to her car, iniisip niya kung tama ba ang isinagot niya.

She never expected it from him. Of course, she's flattered that he's willing to marry her, but she never expected him to propose this soon! Ni hindi nga niya inakala na Gerald would be the marrying type.

Yes, she loves him, but is that enough reason para magpakasal? Aaminin niya, hindi pa niya kilala nang lubusan ang lalake. What if hindi niya matanggap ang magiging shortcomings nito? O ito sa kanya? What if matulad sila sa mga magulang niya? What if maging katulad niya ang magiging anak nila?

Ang dami na namang "what if's" na sumulpot sa utak niya.

For her, love is not enough foundation for marriage. She has a first hand experience of coming from a broken family. Hindi siya masisisi kung gusto niyang manigurado pagdating sa pagkakaroon niya ng sariling pamilya.

Wala pang beinte-kuwatro oras na sila ay magkasundo, matatapos itong balik na naman sila sa dati.
Are they back to square one? He don't know her, she don't know him? Hindi magkikibuan, hindi magkikita? Magseselosan ng magseselosan hanggang magkasakitan?

This is becoming a bad habit for both of them.