The End Of An Era

Gravity- Sara Bareilles

I'm sitting in the garden, alone, for the first time in what seems like months.

The nurse has deemed that I'm not a danger to myself anymore.

I'd like to think I'm passed being suicidal, but in reality, I still feel in my heart the exact emotions that caused me to try to kill myself.

There's no difference between then and now. It didn't just change because they told me not to.

Every time I feel like I'm going to go over the edge I count all the people I love. I make a list in my head. Rosie, Kyle, Joseph, Daddy, Mom, Margie, Andrea, Adam, Jimmy, and so on.

It helps more if I count out loud.

Sometimes my mom will be talking and I feel like I want to die.

So quietly whisper to myself.

All the names of the people I love.

Alex is gone. The wedding is cancelled.

I think I've convinced myself that I was in love with him, before all this happened.

But I was just blinded. I was blinded by his charm and persona, and it outshone the monster he truly was. But I was in love with him.

Now the thought of him makes me sick.

Rosie has tried to tell me of the things he did to get me back, but I won't hear it.

How did he deceive them so badly?

I'm foolish and gullible and worthless so I never saw it coming, but Rosie is the smartest person I know.

She has a girlfriend now. Her name is Lilly.

She compliments Rosie, and every time I see them together I can't help but smile. The irony of Rose and Lilly, the two most beautiful flowers. Sage is just green and boring. And that's what I am. Dull and boring. I have no purpose anymore.

So here I am, sitting in the garden. Being a waste of space.

I shut my book and stare at the pavers. I realize that I'm hungry and can't remember the last time I had eaten. It was probably breakfast.

I walk to the kitchen and hear three voices.

"Do you have him though?" Kyle says angrily.

"Yeah, he's locked up." Thats Joseph.

"Kyle, I know you said you wanted to help but I have to do this." A voice that sends shivers down my spine. Alex.

"No, you said I could help. You swore to me."
Kyle says in a hushed angry whisper.

"He's my fucking dad. If anyone is going to kill him, it's going to be me." Alex says angrily.

They're planning on killing Apollo?

"Listen, I understand that she's your sister, which warrants you to get a few blows in before I kill him, but I am going to be the one to kill him." Alex continues.

"Well, we love her!" Joseph says, chiming in.

"And you fucking think I don't?" Alex whispers angrily.

He loves me?

There's no possible way.  He's lying.

I start to feel tears and try my hardest not to sniffle.

Alex then sees me in the hallway.

Our eyes lock and my heart stops.

"Sage..." he yells but I'm already flying down the hallways.