Not Some Princess ✓

27. I am sorry

27

I am sorry

It's a classic "me" mistake
Someone gives me love and I throw it all away
Tell me have I gone insane?
Talkin' to myself but I don't know what to say
—Lose Somebody
Kygo, OneRepublic

"NO, IT'S not for some meeting, just book the flight, Otis" Raymond snapped.

Otis apologised and Raymond hung up the phone and threw it away.

He was losing it. And he was embracing it. Raymond ran a hand through his head and let his head hit the chalky wall. He just stood there for a few minutes. Letting his head throb. Embracing the pain. Letting it in. He needed to feel it. A tear escaped his eye and he let it sink. He was tired. So tired.

And he just wanted to go back. Where it had all began.

Raymond threw random clothes into a bag and let his laptop stay here. He never went around without it. But he won't be needing it. He was on a 'break'. Raymond hadn't had a break in years. He didn't know what to do besides work. His days began with work and ended with them. He went to social gatherings for work. He came home to rest so he could go to work the next day. He took care of his health so he would be fit enough to work extra hours.

Until recently, he used to return home on time. He had become to have a reason. A reason to get by. A reason besides work. A reason for him. And not work.

Raymond sighed as he checked his phone and glanced at his ticket details. He was going away. Getting away from his reason. Getting away from his work. He was a hollow man in search of some meaning. For some substance. And he had no idea how to get that substance. He had no idea if he was even going to be sane again.

Raymond let himself switch his thoughts off for the next few hours and focused on the little getaway he had organised out of the blue.

His cab arrived and he sat in.

"Where to, sir?"

Raymond found himself saying the name of the hospital she was at. He wanted to slap himself for being so out of it. He wasn't even drunk. And even though that bottle that Joe had pointed out was alcohol. But Raymond had never taken a single sip out of it. It was just for his masochistic tendencies.

Ray would never drink at work. He knew that and kept the bottle in his reach so he could feel the urge and decline it time by time. And he was drunk alright, but on his thoughts, drinking in this condition was like inviting death with open arms. But he didn't tell Joe that.

The car stopped and Raymond told the driver to wait for him.

Raymond took his shoulder bag with him and got out of the car. With hesitant steps, he got inside the hospital and mindlessly took himself to her. He didn't need a sane mind to get to her.

When he saw the guy called Stefan, whom Raymond had no idea who he was, Raymond felt a thought cross his mind. Stefan knew where Emilia was, he arrived right on time for her. Raymond appreciated that a lot, he was glad that she had someone like him, someone who wasn't destructive for her.

Joe laid eyes on Raymond from across the lobby and nodded to the nurse he was talking to. He approached with an eager look towards Raymond and sighed.