Mrs. & Mr. Fire Lord (ATLA Zuko x OC fanfic)

Chaoter XXI - Too Late to Say Goodbye

She couldn't control her moves. She barely knew what they had done to her. She just did what was strategically right. Attacking the heart of the Earth Kingdom was the first move that she suggested. It almost felt like someone else was possessing her body and she was just watching. She had felt many times in her life that same vulnerability. But this time, this time... it was just too different. They were going to kill her daughter if she did not do this. She would do anything to keep Karel safe, even though Iris knew she wasn't the mother that Karel deserved.

She had failed in a whole lot of things in her life. And now she was just adding to them, leading the SRCs to the demise of the Earth Kingdom. Iris only hoped Aang had notified the Earth King and Zuko. She only hoped that they would join forces and defeat them. Maybe the SRCs were no more than a few thousands of soldiers, but they were powerful. Each one of them could put their mind-games to use and make the Earth Kingdom and Fire Nation Armies butcher each other.

That was the next thing that Jet had suggested when they were planning this. Iris had agreed. It was the perfect strategy to win a war without fighting. Iris had no choice. She had to fight as an enemy or else they'd kill Karel and hers and Aang's father.

The SRC Army camped outside the walls of Ba Sing Se. Iris found herself in a tent with her dagger in her hands and she just stared at the blade. She looked at her face that reflected perfectly on the iron. Such a pretty face of such a monstrous creature. She was leading destruction to the Earth King's doorstep. She was leading the SRCs because she was one of them. She was the one offspring that had inherited her father's purple eyes and abilities. The daughter of the Chief. It convinced the masses right away. It only sounded right to be the rightful leader of that army.

Her fingers clenched around the blade of the dagger, allowing it to swiftly cut her skin and make it bleed. Droplets of blood landed on the grass beneath her feet, but she didn't care. Neither did she care about the stinging pain on the torn-flesh of her fingers and her palm. She was almost used to the pain. Physical pain. There were so many times in her life that she had used physical pain to distract her from thoughts and memories. From those screams in her head.

Now that she rethought it all, she hadn't lived a life to be proud of. The Monks who had raised her had killed hers and Aang's mother. And then, the war. Her people, wiped out. Gershwin, dying in her arms. Her mentor's head being chopped off right in front of her. And then... then, she went through hell. An Air Nomad that chose to learn how to kill should she survive. She embraced killing at some point.

She had wiped out entire families. Entire towns. Innocent people. So many of them had died in her hands. And then, torture. She couldn't even begin to remember what those Fire Nation soldiers did to her whilst interrogating her. What Zhao did to her. Three years. Three years in a Fire Nation prison where every day was hell. And then she won her freedom outside the bars of a prison but for what? Only to find out that hell was on the outside too.

She did help finish he war. She did find her brother. She did fall in love. Zuko was the one who had taught her how it really felt to be loved and cared for, but she had hurt him. She had hurt him in the vilest way that one could hurt somebody. She couldn't face him. They had lost a child, only to find out that she already had one. She had hurt him.

The dagger slipped off her bleeding hand and crashed on the grass. She joined it, falling on her knees and gathering her aching hand in her lap. Her eyes shut tight and for a moment she forgot to breathe.

She had spent a lifetime hating herself beyond measure. That one man who loved her, she had hurt him and she had abandoned him. She wouldn't be surprised if he wasn't going to be there tomorrow. She wouldn't be surprised if he gave up on her.