Troubled love~ 10k x reader Znation

Part 9: regrets

Your POV

Trigger warning! (self harm*thoughts* no self harm happens) (bad intrusive thoughts) if this upsets you, skip to the second line marker.

—

It hit me like a huge wave of guilt, regret,

I didn't know what to do so I ran,

I turned around and tears immediately started falling from my eyes,

This is all my fault,

I ran quite far from where the fire was, yet I could still see it,

I was hidden behind the trees, on my knees.

I sat there thinking,

what the hell is wrong with me, he cares about me, I'm the one pushing him away, all because I won't let my walls down, I can't let anyone in,

I don't even deserve him, he's a better friend then I've ever had. I don't deserve anyone...

Or anything. I don't even deserve to be here.

I look down, at my feet, I see my hunting knife, my father gave it to me, before he died,

I look back up to see everyone around the fire, 10k is not there.

I pick up the knife, I think about things, things I shouldn't, I look down at my arm...my wrist, I've never hurt myself before, I wonder what it would be like,

if I should do it,

if I need to do it,

Tears stream down my face, a few fall, one lands on the blade,

Maybe I should stop thinking, just do it. Don't think.

—

"What the hell are you doing?!" A voice from behind me says." I turn around quickly.

"10k?" My voice quivers, I'm slightly shaking,

My eyes are red, I'm a mess, he looks at my hands,

"give me that."

"I wasn't going to~"

"Now."

I obey and I slowly reach my hand out, he takes it and sits next to me,

He comes closer to me,

I turn my head to look at him,

he slowly extends his hand out to me, he caresses my cheek, he wipes away a few tears,

"Y/n~" he starts,

my crying is softer now,

I cut him off, "I'm so sorry 10k, I really mean it, I don't deserve you, you're an amazing friend, I know that, I didn't mean to push you away, I don't know why I did it, maybe I was..." I slowed down my rambling, making eye contact with 10k, "maybe I was jealous." I whisper.

His expression was soft and caring,

"of what?"

I look down for a moment, "Cassandra."

He pushes my chin up so we are looking at each other again,

"y/n...I promise you, nobody will ever get in the way of our friendship, you're stuck with me, and I'm gonna take care of you." He gives a small smile.

I can't help but smile a bit, he pulls me in for a hug,

we stay there for a minute, I'm so glad to have him close again, he let's go and I lean my head on his shoulder,

He rests his chin on my head,

"We should go back to the group so they don't get worried." I whisper,

"Yeah, let's go." He says quietly.

He grabs my hand and intertwines our fingers, I blush and turn my head to hide it.

When we get back doc and warren are the only ones awake, they look at us but don't say anything, we sit down near and log and duke gets up, he licks 10k.

10k pets duke, I lean against 10k again, duke lays his head in my lap,

"Goodnight." 10k says softly,

"Goodnight." I whisper.

I close my eyes, 10k kisses the top of my head and finally I fall asleep.