Wistful Paradise / H.S. [COMPLETE]

Twenty One

Harry

"Good night, Mexico," I yelled at the top of my lungs through the microphone and heard the crowd going insane. I watched for a few more seconds, amazed by the lights and the people that came to see me tonight. Eventually, Mitch came over to me and wrapped his shoulders around me in an attempt to pull me backstage, where my wife had been patiently waiting for me to finish the encore.

Her blue eyes were staring into mine proudly, still a hint of uncertainty in those beautiful orbs. Frankly, I felt the same. We've been struggling a lot lately and I've found the courage to put it into some new songs, while Flo simply hasn't talked enough about it.

I know I'm asking a lot from her, joining me on tour, going to therapy with me. But I promised myself and her that it would make us better. Yet, I'm not so sure about that anymore.

Our last conversation with Holly was definitely the proof of that. It made me question everything. It made me question myself but also us.

I know I love Florence, but I've always wanted children. I've known that ever since I was young. I knew when we were younger Flo didn't want any children, but I thought when I would give her time, she would want it. I thought that when she was pregnant, she was okay with the fact that she was going to be a mother.

But when she said she didn't want children out loud, my heart shattered into a million pieces.

She always told me she wouldn't be a good mother and that she didn't want to bring up her children in the environment she grew up in, which would most likely happen. I always thought that she just wasn't ready, I saw the way she interacted with smaller kids and I knew she would be a great mother to her children. I just don't know how to convince her.

The sound of cheers and screams could still be heard throughout the venue we played at. I walked up to Florence and decided a hug would be the best option right now. I still wasn't over our fight, but I wasn't ready to talk about it again and probably fight again.

It sounds selfish but after everything Flo and I have been through, I believe we deserve a night off. A night where no one could bother us and our fight would be non-existent. A night where we could easily forget what had happened to us in these past few months.

We deserve it after going through hell.

"So, Hazza," Mitch smiled, moving his eyebrows rhythmically. "What's your answer? Are we going out tonight or not?"

My lips pulled into an easy grin, a small bark of laughter leaving my lips as my eyes focused on my sparkly boots. I looked up, seeing about five pairs of eyes, staring at me expectantly. So I could only nod and welcome all the cheers once I had agreed to go clubbing tonight.

Plans were quickly made and everyone piled into the cars so we could get ready. We had about thirty minutes to get ready before another car would pick us up and bring us to the club.

Flo and I were sat in the backseat of a blacked-out car, her fingers were playing with themselves. I was debating whether I should hold her hand or not.

And then I mentally slapped myself because she was still my wife and I still love her to the point that holding her hand is natural and not something I should question. So I reached over and held her hand in mine, her head turned to me and a soft smile cornered her lips.

The smile faded when her eyes moved to the window, looking at her surroundings. I know I should be mad or disappointed but I couldn't.

She is lost and how can I blame her for not wanting children after what we've been through?

Her voice pulled me out of my thoughts, she was still looking outside when the words left her mouth: "This won't be weird right?"

Her voice wavered and I knew it was because of the uncertainty she felt. The look she gave me after I hadn't answered her for a few seconds made me want to just take the past year from our lives and do it over again.