Wistful Paradise / H.S. [COMPLETE]

Thirty-Nine

Florence

I held the box in my hand that contained a pregnancy test. I already knew that these were going to be the longest two minutes of my life.

My hand was shaking and I had a queasy feeling in the pit of my stomach as I stared at the test with tears welled in my eyes, feeling like I already knew the answer.

It didn't really matter to me if it were to be positive or negative. Both options seemed like they were not good. I was so scared to be pregnant again and at the same time, I had this weird excitement inside of me.

Harry had left the day after the premiere and as always I didn't know how to act around him after the thought of me being pregnant again.

I mean, I could have- No. I should have told Harry the minute I suspected something. But of course, my stubbornness played a big part in my decision not to tell him.

When Harry left, he had to know something was up with me. I wasn't acting the same I was before the premiere. Right before he left, I made him promise me not to worry about me too much and enjoy the last months of his tour. My fingers knotted in his curls as I pulled him close to me and kissed the creases away.

When the door closed and I watched Harry being driven away through the window, I immediately ordered myself two pregnancies tests. I just had to be sure.

So here I was, only a day later. Nauseous and scared. Holding the box in my hand gave me a deja-vu. I'd been in this position before, where Harry was on tour and I was alone, thinking that I might be pregnant.

Pregnancies have always scared me to death, even when I was a child my mother's stomach scared me. I still remember how my parents told me I would cry myself to sleep every night because I thought the baby was going to eat my mother. I don't know why that was the thought I had as a little kid but my parents thought it was funny.

Another funny thing is how I only now have realized how fast my life was going. Five years ago I had my first big role and right now I was a possible Oscar nominee. This life is crazy and adding the stress of pregnancies to that only added more fuel to the fire.

Man up, I told myself. I forced myself to the toilet, patting the box against my hand anxiously.

I sat down on the closed toilet lid and watched the test. With a shaky breath and trembling hands, I opened up the package. With the test in hand, I really had no other option but to just do it.

After I'd done my business and tried to neatly pee on the stick, I set up a timer. Three minutes. In three minutes my world could be completely turned upside down once again.

I constantly asked myself what would happen if I were actually pregnant. What would I tell Harry and what should I do. A few months ago, Harry and I talked about having other children and fought about it a lot and now the possibility might've turned into a reality.

I knew I would never get rid of the baby, even before we lost our baby Storm it was never a question. And losing a child was reason enough to never even think about abortion again.

All of a sudden, the doorbell rang. With a frown, I looked down at my phone only to realize that I still had about a little under a minute left until I found out if I were indeed pregnant. With a huff, I went downstairs, leaving the test on the toilet sink.

My hand hovered over the doorknob, pulling the door open and immediately I was met with a smell that made my insides churn. Behind the plastic bag, my sister was hiding. "Hey, brought you food. In for a movie night?"

"Sure," I chuckled. I couldn't even remember the last time we had a movie night with just the two of us. My subconscious immediately told me that we might not be alone but I ignored that thought as best as possible.