brown haired boy ✓

twenty-six.

"i tried to be someone... i'd like to be someone else... for you. if i had done something a little bit differently we would've moved in a better direction than this, baby."

miles' head was resting on my shoulder as i strummed the chords to him, almost whispering the lyrics. i felt him shake with heavy breaths, "if you were human. if you were who i assumed you were, you wouldn't have done this. i thought i did something but she would do anything to bring me down... and she brought me down."

i felt his hand intertwine with mine as he grabbed the neck of my guitar slowly as if testing the waters, "can i- can i hold you?"

nodding, i smiled when miles pulled the guitar away pushing himself closer to me as we sat on the dusty floor of the closet. i felt his arms encircle my hips as i laid my back against his chest, his chin resting on my shoulder as i played with his rings.

"georgie," he was whispering. it felt like speaking any louder was unnecessary, it felt surreal and like talking normally was foreign and unimaginable, "i like you a lot, okay? i like you so much that my heart races even thinking about leaving you-"

"miles-"

"listen to me," his body stiffened as i ran the pad of my thumb over his knuckles, "i like you so much and i want to be with you but you don't get it. every single time i get close, i chicken out. i stand there and i wait for the train so i can see her, her death was my fault, georgia. she died because of me and still i can never join her," his breathing was shallow, the words hitting my shoulder as i felt his lips on my skin, "because the motivation to see her is shrinking everyday, everytime i see you."

i couldn't stop myself from wiping at my eyes at the rawness and pain in his detached voice and even though i didn't know the full story, it felt like he was convicting himself of a crime that he didn't commit. after pushing denial of my own gut feeling away from the situation, i found myself replying, "you want me to go?"

my hands traced his tattoos, my own arms feeling even warmer in his button up, "maybe i should go; i want you to understand that i want to leave and if it stays the way it is and you fall as deep in like with me as i have with you, it'll sting."

he tucked a stray curl behind my ear as his arms stayed wound around me and i heard his voice as he mumbled something out, "when we had our first kiss it was your favorite thing and you weren't lying when you said it would sting."

i felt miles' smile on my skin as he kissed it, his lips lingering longer than necessary, "that kiss was everything to me."

he said it would sting.