Hell Above

11

Now remembering that night she smiled. Remembering his soft lips and shining smile. She touched her own lips and remembered the feel of her first kiss. She tried replaying his laugh in her head. She was going through everything that had happened that night and smiling. She wished she could go back and tell him. Maybe if she could’ve told him he would still be around in her life.

After that night he stopped defending her against the preps. He stopped having short conversations with her in the hall. Sola didn’t even want to hang out with his group after that. She thought he didn’t like her anymore. She had hurt him, she could see that. She didn’t know how to fix it.

If the next car that passes is blue I’ll jump right here, right now.Sola thought to herself. She waited for a car to come. The first one to drive by was a red one. Sola relaxed. I guess ‘god’ doesn’t want me to jump. This made Sola giggle.

Sola never understood how people could believe in a giant person in the sky controlling everything. She always figured it was like an imaginary friend, if you have one your crazy. Yet all these people are sharing one and calling him God and Jesus. Where’s the proof? This God never came down and presented himself to Sola saying ‘Sola, you need to convert to Christianity so I can save you.’

Sola hated religion. It was tearing people apart. The first amendment clearly states that people have freedom of religion. So why are Christians trying to make everyone believe what they believe? They are saying everyone else is wrong and they are going to hell for thinking the way they do. It used to be the other way around. Where Christians couldn’t even practice their religion and if they did and got caught they could be killed.

Sola brushed the religion thought away. She didn’t want to think about something so stupid right now. She was contemplating life or death at this moment. Not whether she was going someplace or it’s just nothing. It’s not like she could sway anyone’s opinions people were stubborn like that.

Sola started singing Southern Constellations remembering being in Paris’ car. She bit her lip and smiled. She wanted to be back in his car. She wondered if he ever listened to that song and thought about her. Probably not. Sola thought. He’s probably blocked that night from his memory. Who would want to remember me?

Sola looked over to the road of the bridge. A car was coming down the road, a hearse. Sola watched it as it came closer to her. As it came closer she could see it was Paris that was driving. When it passed by her she saw him look over and she knew he had seen her. He didn’t stop but his face was shocked almost. Why didn’t he stop? Sola sat down and tried to hold back tears. He really doesn’t care does he? She hugged her knees into her chest and put her chin on her knees. She sat there and looked down at the part of the ledge in front of her.

What she didn’t know was Paris often saw Sola. He would see her when she wasn’t there. He saw her everywhere. He couldn’t get her out of his head. Most of the time when he saw her he just thought it was another figment of his imagination. That’s why he distanced himself from her after that night. He couldn’t tell what was real and what was fake. He didn’t want to look crazy if he walked up to imaginary Sola and started talking to her when she wasn’t really there. So he just let her go.

When he saw Sola on the bridge ledge he thought it was just his imagination. She wouldn’t be on a bridge. So he kept going and pretended like he never saw it. He wanted to get her out of his head but it was impossible. As he turned down a road he turned on Southern Constellations. He smiled and slowed down enjoying every strum of the guitar. He remembered there night together. Then he slammed on his breaks.

“No, Stop thinking about her.” He said to himself. “You’ve gotta let it go.” He looked out of his window and there was the house he had seen Sola slip into that night. He turned back and looked at his steering wheel. He started driving again, changed the song and sped away. Why did he even go by there again? To torture himself? Because it worked.

Sola watched him turn down her neighborhood street. What is he doing? She thought. Was he looking for her? But he had just seen her on the bridge. Sola didn’t understand what he was doing.