Rubatosis | San mafia au

𝒞𝒽𝒶𝓅𝓉𝑒𝓇 𝟣𝟥

𝕐/𝕟 ℙ𝕆𝕍:
Johnny and I were lying on the couch, watching TV. This pit in my stomach began to grow, annoyance creeping over me for no apparent reason. I stood up and walked to our bedroom to try and calm myself down. As I paced the room, I only got more and more frustrated. I needed to be in my own space. I had been desperately wanting to go back to my house for a couple of days now, but I was too scared to ask Johnny. Then it occurred to me how ridiculous it was that I even had to ask him in the first place.

I headed back to the living room, "Johnny?" I spoke up. He looked up from his phone, "Yes?" I took a breath, trying to calm my nerves. "Would you mind if I stayed at my place for an hour or two? I need a little time in my own space to clear my mind a little." He stared at me for a while, and I could feel the nervousness eating me up. But then he smiled. It was sweet, gentle, and it caught me off guard.

He stood up and walked over to me. "Of course, baby," he gave me a small kiss on the cheek before walking over to the counter space in the kitchen. "Really?" I asked. He nodded his head. "I can understand wanting to go back to your place Y/n. It's your home. Just promise you'll be safe and call me if something seems off or if you need something, try to be back before sundown." I nodded before running over and hugging him tightly. "Thank you!" He chuckled. "Of course, my love." I looked up at him, and he leaned down to give me a small kiss.

I got to my place and sighed, happily walking to my couch. The annoyance and frustration I had been feeling earlier had now vanished. I felt content and happy. I pulled my phone from my pocket to text Johnny that I had made it safely. I then got a text from Wooyoung, asking how I was doing. I smiled. I missed that goofball and could use his company right about now. I texted him and asked if he would come over. He agreed.

Soon, there was a knock at my door. I opened it to Wooyoung. He smiled at me. We greeted each other with a hug before I let him inside, and we sat down to chat for a bit.

After a few minutes of catching up, I figured I would ask how the other members were doing. When I did ask, he sighed. "Well, most of us are doing well." I tilted my head, "most?"

He bit his cheek. I could tell he was trying to avoid the question. "What happened, Wooyoung?" I asked. He looked at me before shifting awkwardly. "I can't tell you too much. It's not any of my business. Not really, anyway." He thought for a second before speaking again. "San is... Well, he's sick." I took a sip from my drink, "What, like the flu or something?" I asked. He huffed a laugh. "Not the flu, it's not a physical illness, more so mental." He kept eye contact with me. "San had a rough childhood. It's caused long term trauma."

Concern washed over me, "Is he okay?" I asked. Wooyoung shrugged. "None of us are sure. Hongjoong has him in therapy again. That should help, hopefully." I nodded.

There was a moment of silence. The only thing I could think of was how much I wanted to see the others.

The times when I needed to confront Johnny or ask him about something that could potentially tick him off are the times when I always felt the want for Hongjoong or Wooyoung to be there for me. They had endless support for me, and it made me comfortable.

"Hey, Wooyoung?" He hummed in response. I shifted, not sure about what I wanted to ask. I took a breath and just let the words fall out, knowing whatever question that was playing in my subconscious was important enough.

"Should you be afraid to ask your partner about things that aren't a big deal?" Wooyoung cocked his head, "What do you mean? Does this have to do with Johnny?" He asked. I sighed. "God, I feel like such an ass hole talking about him like this." I pinched the bridge of my nose, feeling tears tug at the corners of my eyes for no apparent reason. "Talk to me Y/n." He said, scooting closer. "I asked Johnny if I could stay here for a bit, and he gave a simple response, but for some reason, I had to amp myself up to ask him. I was sure he was going to get mad at me and freak out." I looked over at him. He seemed to be thinking of a way to respond. "I was scared, Wooyoung. Like, I was scared of him for a second. I don't feel like that is a normal feeling to have with someone you love. And it's not just a once in a while type of deal. I'm starting to feel that way every time I ask him for things that I shouldn't have to ask for, like going outside, going to the store, what I wear." Wooyoung stopped me. "What happens if you don't ask him?" I looked away from him, "He gets angry."

"Have you tried talking to him about it?" He asked, "I'm too scared to." He nodded. "I feel like I'm walking on eggshells all the time. I don't want to break up with him, at least I don't think I do. I don't know. This whole thing is frustrating." He nodded. "It's okay. Take a breath."

There was another small moment of silence while I calmed myself down. "I'm not good with this type of stuff, like... at all. I want to help, but I've never had to deal with a situation like yours, so I don't know what is best for you. Hongjoong might, though. I suggest calling him and telling him how you feel. Or maybe you could come over?" I laughed. "You think Johnny would let me wander to your house so easy?" He folded his lips together in thought. "Wooyoung, I appreciate the offer. I want to see all of you again too. I miss talking to you guys. But it's too risky right now. If I were to get caught, I don't know what Johnny would do with me." He shook his head, "You're right. You really shouldn't be thinking like that. Look, I'll talk it over with Hongjoong and let you know what he says." My eyes widened. "Does Hongjoong know we've been talking." Wooyoung sighed. "I still don't know how he found out. He's a sneaky mother fucker." We both laughed. "Is he mad?" I asked. He shook his head, "He seemed annoyed when I got called out, but he's warming up to the idea." I nodded. "Sorry for shutting you guys out."

"Don't be," He smiled. I smiled back. For once, I felt at peace and calm. Maybe sneaking to the Ateez house wasn't such a bad idea.

Authors note:

Sorry to keep you guys waiting, the past couple of weeks have been busy and full. Chapter 14 will be coming soon, we promise! Thank you for almost 450 reads!