Rubatosis | San mafia au

𝒞𝒽𝒶𝓅𝓉𝑒𝓇 𝟣𝟤

San's POV:

After watching Wooyoung get his ass handed to him by Mingi, Hongjoong pulled me to the side, "I want to talk to you." He said. I nodded and followed him into his room; he closed the door and sighed. "What's going on with you?" He asked me. I tilted my head slightly, "What do you mean?" The look he gave me was nearly painful. "Well, let's start with the way you've been shutting the members out. And the way you've been obsessing over Y/n and getting pissy every time someone brings her up. Let's start there."

I groaned. "Hongjoong, I don't need a lecture from you right now," I shuffled my feet nervously. He sighed, "I wouldn't have to give you a lecture if you hadn't followed her and Johnny home," I felt my stomach flip as I avoided eye contact with him. "I have no idea what you're talking about," I shrugged. "I followed you, San. You're not a great liar. So when you said you had to get something from your locker, it was pretty obvious you were going to do something else. So I followed you." I swallowed my anger down as deep as possible. I'm not sure why I was so angry at him. Maybe I was just upset I had gotten caught? Or maybe I was annoyed because I now had to explain myself to him. "Don't worry about it," I hissed. Hongjoong seemed shocked at how I reacted. "Take it easy, San! I only want to talk to you about what you're feeling!" I balled my hands into fists, trying to control myself. I wouldn't lose it on him. He was only trying to look out for me. That's what he is supposed to do. But even while talking myself down, I snapped. "I said, don't worry about it!" Hongjoong's face turned cold, "What is going on with you, San? Can you talk to me, please!?" Hongjoong took a breath. "Look, I know you, San. And I know that you wouldn't follow Y/n or be incredibly sensitive at the subject without reason. So talk to me. Tell me what you're feeling," I sighed. "Johnny is up to something. When we were in class, Johnny had looked over at me before doing things he knew would bother me, and when Y/n was talking to Riley, as soon as Johnny came over, she started spiraling and shutting down. Then Johnny pulled her away from Riley and practically interrogated her." Hongjoong seemed a bit overwhelmed with the amount of information he was receiving. I sighed. "I pulled Riley to the side and talked to her. She studies Psychology, and she thinks the relationship between the two of them is abusive." Hongjoong sighed. "Are you sure this doesn't have anything to do with your past?" I snapped my gaze to him, the audacity he had to bring that up. He seemed to have realized he messed up because he started to stutter an apology. "You said you'd never bring that up," I spat. "San, I'm sorry! I didn't mean to-" I cut him off. "You promised me you wouldn't bring it up again!" He flinched. I shook my head before walking to the door. He called for me, but I opened the door and slammed it closed behind me. I stormed into my room and tried to calm myself down, sitting on my bed and running my fingers through my hair, pulling at the ends. I felt sick, dizzy. I felt myself trembling as memories of the event Hongjoong had referenced to filled my head. I heard my door open, but that was the only sound I heard before my ears started ringing, and I could no longer hear anything. Everything went black.

Hongjoong's POV:

I messed up. I promised I wouldn't bring up those traumatizing events. I thought for a moment, the best thing to do right now was to give San space. Then I thought longer about it. That was the exact opposite of what he needed. I sprinted out of my room and over to his, concern washing over the others' faces as they soon followed. When I opened the door, my heart dropped. He was curled up, knees to his chest, and he was sobbing. His breath was heavy, and his body was quivering. I ran over to him and pried his face away from his knees to try and get him to look at me. Even though I got him to look at me, it was almost like he couldn't see me. His body went limp. I was able to catch him with help from others. We laid him down on his bed and did what we could to wake him up sooner.

His eyes eventually fluttered open. He groaned as he sat up. "Take it easy, San," I mumbled, helping prop him up before sitting down next to him. Jongho came in with some water for him. San eagerly took the glass and swallowed the water down in quite a desperate manner. He caught his breath, handing the glass back to Jongho. "How are you feeling?" I asked. He looked over at me, and I could see the answer in his eyes. He was scared and confused. He hadn't had an episode in a couple of months. He and I both thought his PTSD symptoms had finally gone, but I guess we were wrong. San's eyes furrowed, "I'm sorry I snapped at you." I shook my head. "San, don't apologize. I'm sorry I mentioned what I did. I shouldn't have." He nodded before smiling at me, "I'm going to go get you some more water, okay?" Jongho smiled; San nodded. Wooyoung took Jongho's spot and rested his hand on San's knee. "Can I talk to Hongjoong alone for a second?" Everyone nodded and left the room, closing the door softly. I looked over at him. He pulled his knees close, bouncing one of his legs up and down nervously. He tried to hold back the tears but gave up. They flowed down freely. I rubbed his back as he rested his head on his knees and began to cry. I was the only person who has ever seen him cry. He made sure to stay as emotionless as possible, and no matter how many times I told him he was allowed to feel, he never showed much emotion. He was scared to look weak.

After a few moments, he pulled himself together. He wiped the tears from his cheeks and took a breath. "Hongjoong, I don't know if the reason I feel the way I do about Y/n is because of what happened, but something isn't right." I nodded. "I believe you. I'll see what I can do." I smiled. He nodded and looked back down at his feet. "What did you see this time?" I asked, referring to his episode. He wiped another tear from his face. "Day 1." He whimpered. I pulled him into a hug and held him tight as he cried again.

A/N

We are sorry for the wait of Chapter 12, we are trying to get these chapters out as soon as we can. thank you for your patience :)

also thank you so much for 388 reads!! almost 400!! <3