Thomas and the maid

Distance and Confusion

The war had been going on for 2 years. Luckily, I was an only child so I didn't have to worry about my family being drafted. My relationship with Thomas had come to a halt recently. The further the war progressed, the fewer letters I'd received. He came home a few times, but each time he seemed increasingly more distant from me. Now I was lucky to get one letter a month with little to no detail about how he was. Then one day, I was walking by Mrs. Hughes pantry when I heard Ms. O'Brien's voice. I peaked in the cracked part of the door to see what was going on. She was on the telephone. I normally didn't eavesdrop but I couldn't help myself.
O'Brien: Well how bad is it? Oh my gosh! Thomas you should try to get back to Downton and get a job with Dr. Clarkson.
I walked swiftly away from the door. I tried to piece what I heard together. Did Thomas get injured? Was he coming back to Downton? Why didn't he tell me anything? I met Anna in Lady Edith's bedroom and we started making her bed. Normally, Anna and I talked a lot when we were cleaning, but I couldn't think of anything else but Thomas. If anything happened to him, I don't know what I'd do.
Anna: Kimberly?
I snapped out of my fog and looked at Anna?
Anna: Are you alright?
Kimberly: Yes. I'm just tired.
We finished making the bed and I went upstairs to change my cap and apron. When I got to my room, I broke down in tears. I felt angry at myself for being so upset since Thomas had basically ignored me for the past few months but I still cared about him.
The next day, I ran to the village early in the morning to pick up some things for Anna. I arrived back at the Abbey and went towards the courtyard. When I turned the corner, I saw Ms. O'Brien and the back of a man in a military uniform. The man turned and looked at me. It was Thomas. He looked so handsome in his uniform. I felt my eyes get wide and my body shake, but I quickly pulled myself together and walked into the house. I found Anna in the servants hall and gave her the things from the village.
When I came back downstairs, it was time for lunch. As we were eating Thomas' began making a big deal of the fact that he was a corporal and that Mr. Carson couldn't tell him what to do anymore. I was so annoyed with him. I understood why the other servants couldn't stand him now. If this was 2 years ago, he would've never behaved in front of me this way. After he stopped his ranting and raving, he gave me a side eye. I decided to do the same thing he had been doing to me; ignore him. I didn't want to give him the satisfaction of an audience. I made small talk with Anna and Bates and for the rest of the day, I pretended he wasn't even there. Even though it was hard for me, I was proud of myself for not being weak.
Within a few weeks, Downton was converted into a convalescent home. This meant the servants were busier than ever. We set up hundreds of beds and did a deep cleaning of all of the downstairs rooms. Mrs. Crawley had completely rearranged our schedules with an even longer gap between breakfast and lunch than before. Pretty soon, it was revealed that Thomas would be in charge of Downton while it was a convalescent home. I understood why since he knew the house and the medical work pretty well. However, I wasn't looking forward to seeing him all the time. I had just started to put him out of my thoughts, and now he was going to be around for 14 hours a day.
Thomas moved back into the servants quarters again. However, he started using the front door which angered all of the servants; especially Mr. Carson. I'd see him in the great hall supervising and walk straight past him.
One day, I was walking through the hall when Dr Clarkson asked me to have Thomas come and see him. I dreaded the thought of having to speak with him, but I had no choice. I walked into the drawing room; no Thomas. I went into the library and saw him sitting next to a badly dismembered soldier. I slowly walked over to him.
Kimberly: Excuse me corporal.
I knew he would make a remark if I didn't use his full title. He turned around.
Thomas: Yes?
Kimberly: Major Clarkson would like to see you.
I immediately turned and walked out. Hearing his voice just made me miss him more. I decided to do what I should've done a year earlier; write him a note. I went upstairs and sat down. I was surprised how quickly the words came to me. I guess my feelings had been so strong, I was always thinking about what I wanted to say.
I went down the stairs with the note clutched tightly in my hand. I went into the servant's hall. Thomas was sitting next to O'Brien having tea. I tapped him on the shoulder. He turned and looked at me.
Kimberly: This came for you.
I handed him the note and sat down with a book. I kept my eye on him to see his reaction. He slowly opened the note and looked down. His brows furrowed. He flashed me a look of anger. He abruptly got up and left. I followed him. He wasn't in the corridor. I went down the hall and looked into the boot room. Thomas stood there huffing and puffing; looking at the note. I came in and shut the door.
Kimberly: What is your problem?
He looked at me as if I had caught him off guard. I had never been this harsh with him, but he needed to know I wasn't a naive young woman who could be taken advantage of.
Thomas: Excuse me?
At this point I was so fed up with Thomas, I could've screamed.
Kimberly: Why won't you talk to me? You've been through fighting at the front, being named corporal, getting injured. You've been working here for a year and haven't said a word to me.
Thomas: You didn't either.
Kimberly: You stopped sending me letters.
He stared at me and didn't answer. I sighed and looked him in the eye.
Kimberly: I thought that we had a friendship. I was actually...starting to have feelings for you. If I did anything to you, I'm sorry. I just miss you. I know you're physically here, but it feels like you're not...really here.
His face had softened. He looked hurt, but I knew I had to tell him how I felt. I turned and walked toward the door.
Thomas: So now you think I'm heartless like everyone else?
I turned and walked up to him.
Kimberly: You know I've never thought that. But you can't give someone nothing and expect support in return. If you ever want to explain yourself, you know where to find me.
I turned and walked out. I was pleased that he had finally shown some remorse but I knew I had to keep up my side of the bargain unless he finally opened up to me.
The next day, I went down for breakfast. As I came into the servant's hall, Thomas tapped me on the shoulder. I turned around. He handed me an envelop and left. I sat down and opened the letter.
"Courtyard, 6:00."
I folded up the letter and put it back in the envelope. I handed it across the table to Anna. She gave me a smile and handed me the envelope.
All throughout the day, I kept wondering what it was that he was going to tell me. I had been through all of the scenarios I could imagine over the last 2 years, but couldn't figure out why our relationship dissolved. However, when I talked to him the night before, I knew the spark hadn't quite gone out.
I came downstairs. I looked at the clock on the wall; 6:00. I took off my apron and walked toward the door. My hands were shaking. I had no idea what to expect. I opened the door. The sun was beginning to set. Thomas had on a long trench coat over his uniform. He looked suspicious in the shadows as he smoked a cigarette. He glanced over at me. He put out his cigarette and came over to me. He rolled up his sleeve which revealed the brown glove that he wore on his left hand. He slowly pulled up the glove to reveal his hand. It looked as if it had been sown by a child. I tried to control my facial expressions but I don't think I did very well.
Thomas: Yes. Quite gruesome.
Kimberly: Why didn't you tell me?
He sat down. He gently put his glove back on.
Thomas: Because it's not an...honorable injury.
I at first assumed he was saying it wasn't a major injury. However when I looked at his face, I could tell he meant something more. I sat next to him.
Kimberly: What do you mean?
Thomas: When I was told I had to be transferred to France, I didn't want to go, but I figured I would be working in a french hospital. Then, I realized we were actually going to be in the trenches. It wasn't ideal, but I thought I could take it...
He paused. I scooted closer to him.
Thomas: I couldn't. I thought I was strong, tough, able to take anything. But after seeing man after man die in front of my eyes, I decided enough was enough. I wanted to help the war in some way, but I couldn't handle it. So I decided one night to put an end to it.
He bit his lip. I could tell he was on the verge of tears.
Thomas: I went to an isolated part of the trench and held my lighter up. The enemy saw and shot my hand. I'm lucky to have any part of it left.
I sat there in shock. I knew that cowardice was a highly dishonorable thing, but I would have rather him cower then end up being traumatized for the rest of his days.
Kimberly: Why did you stop writing to me? You know that I would have been there for you in any way I could.
Thomas: I loved your letters. Really. But you would describe your day; what Mrs. Patmore made for dinner, who Lady Mary was involved with, Captain Crawley's visits. I ached to be home. Eventually, it became too painful. But that's not the only reason.
Kimberly: Then what is it?
I saw a tear roll down Thomas' cheek. He glanced over at me, but kept his head down.
Thomas: I didn't want you tied to a...coward.
Thomas started to cry. I rubbed his arm.
Kimberly: Don't I get a say in the matter?
He looked at me in shock. Her eyes were red and puffy. I wiped the tears from his cheeks.
Thomas: You mean...you forgive me?
Kimberly: Yes.
I knew what was coming next. We both leaned in closer. I had such butterflies but I was calm at the same time. I knew we were right together. All of a sudden we heard the door open. Daisy came out with a basket. We quickly pulled away from each other. Thomas wiped his eyes and I stood up and smoothed my dress. We looked at each other. Thomas smirked at me and I smiled at him. I was disappointed that we didn't get to kiss, but I was grateful we were finally back to the way things were.
Over the next few weeks, there were rumours that the war was about to come to an end. We had become changing around some rooms to prepare for the soldiers leaving. Thomas and I began our friendship again; although we both knew we wanted more. The problem was, we never got a moment's peace together to discuss our future. We hadn't even kissed. When we saw each other we'd give each other a smile. Sometimes he'd wink at me. Every time he did, I would blush which made me feel ridiculous since I had known him for so long. Unfortunately, the war ending brought up a lot of questions about Thomas' job since there was no need for more employment at the hospital. We were in the courtyard when he first brought up the subject.
Thomas: I wonder what I'll do when the war's over.
Kimberly: Won't you apply for your old job again?
Thomas: I don't really want to be a footman again. What would you say if I found a job that was outside of Downton?
I felt my heart start to race. My mind didn't understand what he meant but my heart did.
Kimberly: What do you mean?
Thomas: I mean...would you come with me?
Kimberly: Thomas we haven't been together for that long. We haven't really spent a lot of time together lately. We haven't even said I love you.
Thomas: I know. And I know that I haven't been good to you lately. But I don't want to go, if you don't go with me.
He walked closer to me.
Thomas: Just think about it.
He put out his cigarette and went inside