Falling Too Far - Gruvia

Chapter 21

AN: this chapter may trigger people with/have experienced eating disorders

_ _ _

Juvia,

I can't thank you enough for what you've done for me recently. Out of everyone I didn't expect you to be the one to emotionally support me. I'm so sorry I've been such a dick to you most of the time. I know I've been confusing you. Kissing you, insulting you, pushing you away.

Ever since Laxus' party I've been aware of my feelings for you. It was that kiss that made me realise. If you and Lucy weren't so playful that night we'd most likely be stuck at square one.

I never want to hurt you, and I want anything but to cut you out of my life. You're beginning to mean a lot to me. So for now, I just need some distance until I can get over these feelings before I actually do love you. I still want to be your friend, and I hope you want to be mine. I've told you things I've never told anyone else. In only a couple of months I've managed to trust you so easily.

I don't want anything committed. That's why I'm getting over you. I know if something more happened between us, I'd only end up hurting you. Like I said, I never want to hurt you. I know I have already, with all the unneeded things I've said to you. I even triggered a panic attack for you.

I've transferred out of the class we share, plus it fits with my schedule more. It'll be easier for you too, I'm sure while you're reading this you'll be pissed at me for being such a dramatic little bitch.

I know how much self doubt you carry. You're probably wondering why I like you so much. There's so much, maybe even too much. So I'm not going to tell you, it'll only tempt me if you know what you've done to make me fall for you. Actually, not what you've done. Who you are.

I saw you and Lyon earlier. You seemed pretty happy. I'm glad. It's another thing that urged me to write this letter. I hope everything's going well for you guys and I hope you can find happiness with him, or maybe someone better. Just not me.

I'm sorry if this sounded bleak, I'm not good with words.

By the way, you can keep my shirt. It suits you anyway.

- Gray

After my third date with Lyon, I pondered around my room to find a handwritten letter on my pillow.

Reading that letter, it didn't help me at all. My hands crunched the paper, my heart was pounding and I was so fucking furious. My eyes stinging as they began to water. He must've thought he was doing a good thing but that letter cut through me like a knife. He didn't even take my feelings into consideration. What if I don't want him to get over me? Maybe I enjoy all these random kisses!?

Lyon and I were casually dating. Honestly, I don't see anything happening with him. We've kissed a few times, each time simple and sweet. With Gray, there's actual heat, and passion. He was addictive. But now I'm never going to get that again.

Instead of tearing up the letter and lighting the shreds on fire, I scrunched it up into a ball and kept it in my dresser draw. I was infuriated with him, so maybe avoidance is a good idea for us both.

_ _ _

"Yeah... Yeah..."

About an hour after a small frustration fit, and a calming bubble bath, I exited my room and entered the kitchen to find Erza on the phone and Lucy sat at the counter doing some work.

"Apparently he hadn't eaten a solid meal since Friday."

That sounded concerning, I wondered who she was talking to?