You Are Not Alone (Jensen x Reader)

Deep Thoughts

WARNING: REALLY SAD, mental health, alcohol, lots of sad. Just grab a fucking teddy bear to snuggle. I don't judge, I have 3 while writing this. Sending all my love to you!

You spent hours at the Ackle's house trying to console everyone and calm yourself down, but you kept wondering where Jensen went off to and wondering if he was ok. A part of you was mad at him for taking off and not telling you; leaving his family when they needed him here but the more you thought about it, you knew Jensen was trying to process the news and this was his way of coping. 

With every hour you worried that he was alone and wondered how he was dealing with the news. Later that night you had said goodbye to the Ackle's family for the evening, and decided to head back to the apartment. You wondered if you'd Jensen would be back, but you got a text from Josh saying he was with Jensen, and that was hours ago. A big part of you was relieved that someone was with him, let alone that it was his brother, but the other part of you was upset that Jensen didn't confide in you. 

Jensen's POV

You let out a shaky breath as you tried to compose yourself but every thought running through your mind, was making it difficult not to fuel the anger. You growled to yourself

"Why'd you let it happen?" Suddenly you heard a voice you knew all too well.

"Who is that directed to Jay?" You quickly wiped your face. But when you tried to steady yourself as you stood up, and turned around, you were met with the same sadness in your brothers face. You didn't reply, instead you cleared your throat and looked away as you grumbled

"Does it matter?" Josh looked at you and then stepped closer as he firmly replied

"Yes it does matter. Jay, I know you. You can't blame yourself for this." You turned slightly away from Josh, taking a deep breath and blowing the air out as you wiped your face one more time before you finished the bottle in your hand and began to walk out of the water and past Josh replying

"You wouldn't understand. You aren't in my position." Josh exhaled a chuckle and grabbed your shirt, ripping you to face him as he firmly scowled

"You think I don't understand what you're going through? She was my sister too Jensen!" You stepped closer to Josh, standing chest out to him as you both glared at each other. You looked at Josh as your nostrils flared with each angry breath, you then replied

"You don't get it Josh." You shook your head then stepped back, beginning to walk away before Josh was grabbing your shoulder again arguing

"Please do explain. What the hell do I not understand?" You didn't think you could be more angry but then you spun around to face your brother as you yelled

"You can't fix everything Josh. Give it up. We lost her! And there's nothing you can do." For a second you looked to the side just laughing at the efforts your brother was trying to do. You knew he was just trying to make you feel better. But at this moment, you were sick of his meddling. 

Josh licked his lips then took one step forward throwing a hard punch straight to your face, throwing off your balance and landing you back on the ground. You immediately touched your face then looked back to your brother saying

"What the fuck!" Josh stepped closer as he kept a calm face but glared at you replying

"Who the hell do you think you are? You think that because you're some big shot in Hollywood, that you can just walk over people. You think you can treat someone like that? I'm your fucking brother Jensen!!" You chuckled thinking Josh was just jealous, but then Josh continued "I know you're hurting but damn it Jensen. I'm hurting too! I know we can't bring her back, but now is not the time to be children and run away from each other." You didn't say anything, instead you just kept a blank stare at your brother for a moment. You knew everything he was saying was the truth, but tonight you didn't care. Tonight the guilt was eating you alive. You didn't say anything, instead you readjusted on the beach and pulled your spare flask from your jacket. Josh just shook his head then sat down next to you saying