I wish you stayed | Andrew (Merluca)

Part 10

Almost 2 years (NEXT DAY)

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"You continue to amaze me, Mer. And I think that'll never stop."– 10. December 2022

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As soon as I came back from my shift at the hospital, I started to prepare dinner. I took off my jacket and went over to the kitchen. Once I finished cooking, I put it on a plate to take it to my couch with me.

All day long I couldn't stop thinking about the little notebook Amelia had given me. I was scared to read what was inside. I didn't really know why. From the things Amelia had told me I already knew that it would be mostly about her medical research and work. But she mentioned that she also wrote a bit about me. I wanted to know more about Meredith and at the same time it scared me to find out more. I never knew that she was writing these journals. I had seen her scribble some notes or ideas in those books, but I never knew that she kept all of them. I never knew that they were more than just notes.

But, to not let my thoughts affect my work too much, I made a deal with myself. I would finish my shift, make dinner and then I would take the time to read the little book Amelia had given me.

After I finished my dinner, I put my plate back into the kitchen and then sat down on the couch again and started reading Meredith's journal. It was mostly about medicine as I already knew. Some bullet points to the research she did. It must be from the time she was working on the digestible diagnostic device.

I still remembered her working in the lab for weeks. I loved the way she dedicated herself to her work and always tried to help and make the world a little better. She always amazed me anew with everything she did. The amazing surgeon she had been and the even more incredible human and woman she had been.

I continued reading about the details from her research, while remembering the times I visited her in her lab. My excuse to bring her a cup of coffee only to steal a kiss from her. I knew she had put up all those rules and I would have brought her a coffee anyway, but the way she smiled at me, I couldn't resist and break the rules and kiss her.

And when she tried to scold me afterwards, but failed, because she had to smile, too, I knew that she liked those moments just as much as I did.

I missed those moments.

I turned the page around to read more. I had loved how she could get lost in her medical world and jumped from one idea to the next. How much she loved her work. And somehow reading about her research, made me feel closer to her.

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"You make me happy again, Andrew."

I stopped at the words I read.

They were in the middle of the page, in between all her research work. And below she continued with the thought she had started before. I had to smile at the thought. Only Meredith could jump back and forth, between her research like this.

I couldn't help myself imagining the scene. I wanted to believe that she wrote down those words after one of my visits in her lab. When she was in the middle of an idea and I probably interrupted her with another coffee and kiss. And then she probably told me that we had rules. I had to chuckle a little at the thought.

I knew that I would never know for sure how it really went, but whether it was like this or not. She was happy. And that's all what mattered to me. And somehow reading this made me happier than I could have imagined.

I decided to lay the book aside to get ready to sleep. It was already late, and I had an early shift the next day. And as much as I wanted to keep reading, I knew that I needed to keep my routine, that I needed to get enough sleep.

But today I fell asleep with a smile while thinking about Meredith. Because she was happy. And that was all I wanted for her.

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"I hope you don't want to kill the two of us for reading your notebooks. Because Amelia was right; it helps me to read them. And if I have learned one thing while being with you, you always showed up to help me when I needed you. And I think you would be okay with me reading your books, knowing that they help me. At least I hope that." – 10. December 2022

[You know me better than you think, Andrew. I want you to know what you meant to me.]

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End of chapter 10