Valentine's day 2 years and 2 months (2 MONTHS LATER)
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"I still can't believe that you let me kiss you four years ago. So much time has passed since. But this kiss is one I'll never forget. When you let me take you to the hospital rooftop on Valentine's day and let me kiss you. I miss the feeling of kissing you." – 14. February 2023
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It was Valentine's day. And I was on the rooftop of the hospital. My special place. A place I go to whenever I had a hard time or just wanted to be closer to Meredith.
Today was Valentine's day and I agreed to have dinner with my sister this evening, after she didn't accept no for an answer. I knew that she noticed that Valentine's day had more than just the 'usual' meaning to me. She never asked me directly why. But she offered me to have dinner with me. Her way of being there for me. And I had learned to accept the help people around me offered me – when I needed help – but I also told Carina that I could still live my own life when her overprotective side came through too much. But today I was thankful to not be alone this evening.
"What are you doing here?" I heard Carina behind me, making me turn around to look at her. I had gone to the rooftop before I wanted to leave the hospital today, to have a few minutes for myself.
"Did I ever tell you that I kissed Meredith for the first time on this rooftop?" I started, turning towards the city again, not directly answering her question.
"No." I heard Carina coming closer to me, stopping beside me, a small, amused smile on her lips "That's why you always come up here?" She asked me.
"Maybe." I laughed a little when I saw Carina's smile.
"You miss her?" She turned a bit more serious again.
"Every second." I sighed, looking at Carina for a moment.
We both turned towards the lights from the city you could see during the night again and stayed silent for some time, when I felt Carina's gaze on me again.
"You really loved her a lot." She stated, observing me, before she started again "You know, for a long time I wasn't sure what to think about your relationship."
"Okay?" I asked not sure what to make of that.
"I didn't know her outside of work." She justified herself "And I just saw that you were on your way to deeply fall in love with her. I had never seen you like this before." She looked at me, searching for my eyes. "And I just didn't want you to get hurt." I could hear the sincerity in her voice, I knew my sister only wanted the best for me.
"She was... special." I answered with a small smile, my eyes shining at the memories of Meredith.
"I can see that." Carina paused for a moment looking at me "I'm so sorry you lost her, Andrea, but... at the same time I'm so happy for you that you met her."
"Thank you." I whispered, moved by her words and the emotions inside me.
We enjoyed a few more minutes of silence when Carina asked again. "What are you doing here?"
"I – I guess I'm just trying to make sense of everything." I stopped for a moment, putting my thoughts into words "I want to move forward, but I'm not completely sure how, yet."
"Emma?" I turned towards my sister a little surprised that she already knew what was on my mind (besides Meredith, of course) "I'm your sister. I know things." She had an almost amused smile on her lips, because of my reaction, failing miserably at hiding it. "You should give her a chance." She added a bit more serious.
"She deserves better."
"No. She deserves someone who loves her just like you do. You're allowed to be happy again. You deserve love." Carina paused for a moment, searching for my eyes, waiting for me to look at her, making sure I would listen "I know you loved Meredith. When you two got together, every time her name was mentioned, or you were talking about her your eyes were shining so bright. I have never seen you like that before. And when she died, the only thing I could see was anger and sadness. You were shutting everything down; you weren't living anymore. But with Emma you started to process what had happened, when you talk about Meredith now, I can see the love you have for Meredith again and I know that will never change. But I can also see that Emma brings some of that shining back. Give her a chance."
"I'm not ready, yet." I looked down at the ground for a moment, before turning to my sister again.
.
"You still want to have dinner tonight?" She asked me, changing the subject, probably knowing that she wouldn't get anywhere if she pushed me further now.
"Don't you have anywhere else to be?"
"No." She gave me a smile "You know I have a very understanding girlfriend. You need me today. And Maya and I will have some fun another day –"
"Okay. I don't need to know more." I shook my head at Carina's intention, laughing slightly, while telling her that I understood, and she didn't need to go into details.
"You're coming?" Carina asked me, turning around to leave.
"Yes. I will meet you outside in a moment."
"Are you okay?"
"Yes. I just want to stay a moment longer." I assured her.
Once she left, I took a few minutes to just enjoy the silence, to go through some of my thoughts; to go through old memories. I looked over the city, lit up with lights, and then up at the night sky with its stars before I started to speak into the night, talking to Meredith.
"I miss you, Mer." I paused for a moment. "4 years ago... I kidnapped you to this rooftop, as you liked to say." I laughed a little at the memory. She liked to put it that way, but by the way she was holding my hand with both of hers, I knew that she wanted to be there as well. She wanted to be with me too "I was so nervous. But I think you were, too." I smiled a bit, remembering how I felt that day.
I stopped for a moment looking over the city and then at the sky again.
"Do you remember when you almost burnt Jackson's apartment?" I went through the memories I had created with Meredith during the time we had been together. When we almost burnt Jackson's apartment after we had shared 'a moment'. "Okay, maybe it wasn't just you who was a bit flustered." I chuckled slightly. "I think it's fair to say that we were both distracted after Richard caught us."
"I love the memories of that day. Not because we were caught, but... I was so happy. When Richard left and you leaned down to kiss me one more time, lying down next to me. Only for a moment, of course! Because we didn't want someone else to come inside... But having you by my side. Your smile and your laugh. You made me feel so happy."
"I miss those moments." I looked down with a small smile, before looking back up at the stars again. "I love you, Mer. I will always love you. But I promise that I'll try to be happy again."
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"The memories we created together will always have a special place in my heart. And even though I know you weren't the biggest fan of Valentine's day... It will always be a special day to me because of you." – 14. February 2023
[And it was the best Valentine's day I could have imagined.]
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End of chapter 14
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I love Carina and Andrew!
But Thank you for still being here and reading this story!!! And Thank you for your comments!!
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I wish you stayed | Andrew (Merluca)
Fanfiction[AU based on Season 17] Andrew tries to figure out his feelings after Meredith died. How is he supposed to grieve and how can he maybe move on at some point? I don't own any of the characters!
