Losing you book 3

Chapter 5

JC

She said yes.

I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I know have a long way to go. I saw the fear and weariness in her eyes but she trusts me enough to take that leap of faith and give us a chance.

When she moved away from me, I felt my heart break. I thought I've hurt her too much she wasn't going to give me a chance to set things right. But I was wrong, she gave me a chance to get closer to her still.

I sat beside her and she locked her arms around mine so I took her hand and entwined our fingers together. I couldn't help myself, I lifter our hands to my mouth and kissed her hand.

We were quiet for a while and she leaned her head on my arm. I felt at peace for the first time in years.

"Do you still need your anxiety pills?" She asked tentatively. Does she know how to read minds?

"No baby. I'm fine. It appears I only need them when you're not with me or when we're not ok. You're better than any pill." I told her.

"You're teasing me." She said in a whisper.

"I'm not, it's always been you. You helped me through my therapy and my recovery." I told her.

"How so? I wasn't there." She said.

"You were. Those times when I thought I was hallucinating and I saw you, you gave me strength to go through with whatever I needed to do."

"What do you mean?" She asked.

"During my therapy, I saw you just before mother and Laura arrived. That's when I started to remember about our life together." She gasped.

"Yes, I saw you. Now I'm sure I wasn't hallucinating." I thought she was going to deny it but like always, she surprised me.

"That was the first time I went to see you. The first time I was allowed to travel that is." She said. "I thought you saw me, but I thought it was because I wished you did. I wanted so much to run to you then, I wanted to make you remember me but I couldn't. I held back because of the twins."

She really was there. I always feel her presence when she's near, and I'm right. And now I know why she never came running to me. I never thought how hard she had it, I can only imagine.

"Then before I was supposed to have my operation, the most delicate one, outside my room, I saw you." I told her.

"You did? Was that when you had lots of tubes connected to you?" She asked.

"Yes, it was." He said. "That was the last operation, and the most delicate one. The others that followed were minor ones. I didn't know if I could go through with it without you there, then I saw you." I told her. I told myself I would only go through with it for her then when I opened my eyes, she was there.

"I was there, watching you. That was the day I found out you were going to have an operation the next day. I mean, I knew you needed the operation but you didn't have a schedule yet. I was glad to have been there before it." She said. Thank god she came when she did.

"I befriended a nurse and I was able to see you for a few minutes while you were in recovery."

I wasn't crazy, she really was there. "I felt you. I thought it was wishful thinking but I saw you, you kissed me."

She gasped. "I did. I couldn't help myself." She said. I squeezed her hand.

"I wasn't hallucinating, you really were there." I told her. And because of what she did, I found the strength to move on.