Losing you book 3

Chapter 8

YVE

"How are you?" Leah asked. And I smiled at her. Everything's wonderful. JC's been home for a few weeks now and the twins adore him and he adores them.

We've been able to talk about most of the hard stuff, like Laura and what happened. Emotionally, we've come a long way. I don't get to see the rerun on a daily basis anymore. I haven't seen it in quite a while now actually.

"I guess that smile means everything's doing great, right?" She said when I didn't answer.

She wanted to have girl time so we took the afternoon off to bring the kids to Gymboree so they can play and we could chat. "Yes, it's been great."

Raven and Ryan went to a beach down south and wanted to start the weekend early.

"Have you talked about Laura?" She asked. What is it with her obsession with Laura?

"What is this obsession you have with Laura anyway? But, yes, we have. I'm ok with it now." And I am. I cannot change the past, we can only move forward, and we are, slowly but surely.

"Have you done it?" She asked out of the blue and I turned a deep shade of red.

"No." I told her and we really haven't. We haven't even kissed yet. And I told her so, "We haven't even kissed yet."

"Why is that?" She asked, she wasn't surprised, that was different.

"I don't know actually." I said. And I really didn't. I think I'm afraid that when we do kiss I'd see a rerun of Laura kissing him and I don't want that.

But in all honesty, he's never tried to kiss me and I don't think I can find it in me to kiss him without remembering Laura. What is it about that damn kiss anyway?

"Actually, I'm scared I'd see a rerun of Laura kissing him, that's why." And deep down I know that's what scares me the most. I really don't know why, JC's never given me any indication that he feels anything for Laura other than indifference, but still...

"That scene is deeply engraved in your mind." She voiced out her observation. I nod my head yes.

"When I saw Laura get out of the building to meet JC and kiss him, my world just shattered. I felt my heart break into a million pieces. And I only ever saw her kiss him. What if he kissed her?"

I'd never admit this to Leah, although I told Ken about this, that when I saw Laura get out of the building my first thought was that they were either living together or she can come and go as she pleases in JC's apartment.

Then she went on and wrapped her arms around him and kissed him.

When I saw that kiss, it was as if she told me that I came there for confirmation and she's giving it to me. She made me feel that JC doesn't belong to me anymore and I should say goodbye like I planned and move on.

Of course it was so hard thinking it I couldn't bring myself to do it.

I couldn't say goodbye.

But my hope shattered there and I was lost. Not even my twins could bring me back.

I actually thought of taking my life, even for a fleeting second, I thought of it. That would end all the pain I was feeling. But I couldn't do that to my kids, not my angels. They deserved more than that.

So I came home with the resolve that I have to move on.

Leah broke through my thoughts.

"I can understand where you're coming from and all, but really, you guys haven't seen each other in years. If it were me and JM we'd be all over each other all the time." And I laughed at that.