Journal of the Amnesiac Wizard: A Setosorcerer/FyreUk/GoldSolace Story

- Entry #10: The Stronghold -

-- Entry #10 - June 3rd - Saturday --

Riding horseback is much faster than walking, we are covering ground faster. Phil said that we should be there within the day. Hopefully, that is right. I couldn't bring myself to write yesterday or the day before, not after what I remember with Anna.

Each time I think about her, my heart hurts. Something bad happened, I know it did. It had to have.

I saw how she looked at me, she looked at me like I was the light of her world and she even said that.

'You're all I have left'

That's what she said, among other things. Why am I all she has left? What happened...what happened to the other people in her life?

I stopped writing, feeling my heart hurt more as an image of her crying face flashes through my mind. I grit my teeth, gripping my shirt for a moment.

Anna feels...she's different. She isn't like Ty, Brice, or any of the others. When I think about Brice and them, I don't feel like my heart is getting rip to shreds, and yet when I think about Anna...I feel exactly that.

What happened between us? Did we have some big fight? Did we go our separate ways? End on bad terms? What was it?

"Seto," a voice spoke cutting my thoughts off. My eyes flicker up from my spot against the cave wall. I look at Violet.

Her eyes soften at me. "You were supposed to wake James up for night watch hours ago..." she told me.

I looked away from her, looking out into the forest that surrounds us. We took refuge in a cave, the others sleeping with me on night watch...or all-night watch. At first, it was Phil, but then he woke me up a few hours later and I took his place so he could sleep. I was supposed to wake up James three hours ago. 

I grip the magic pen in my hand and shake my head. "I-I'm good, you can go back to sleep," I told her. Each time I sleep...I have nightmares. And Anna is just...she's getting to me. I want answers but getting answers is just...it's an impossibility for me. I looked back down at my journal. "Go back to sleep Violet, I'm fine keeping watch for the rest of the night."

Besides, in an hour and a half, I'll be waking everyone up anyway. So, there is no point in waking James.

But instead of going back to bed, she sat down beside me. I close the journal, not wanting her to see my doubts and...and my pain.

"You'll make it back home, you will," she said. When I didn't respond, she took my hand into hers making my achy heart lift for a moment before the pain comes back. "We promised you that you will--"

"T-They think I'm dead..." I said. When she didn't respond, I looked at her, seeing she was trying to think of something to say. I pull my hand out of hers. "Violet, how would you feel if James or Shiro just...died suddenly? They died covering your escape so you wouldn't be hurt...so the enemy wouldn't find you...to protect you. H-How would you feel?"

"Devastated..." Violet answered. She looked over at the others. "I would be crushed if any of them died like that..." But she looks back at me. "It's Anna, isn't it?"

I nodded. "W-When I think of her...my h-heart hurts. Something bad happened between us and whatever it was...it left an open wound on me," I said before I see what happened in the flashback all over again in my mind.

The forest fire, Anna's crying, her pleading for me to let go...

The dead bodies and blood...

I look at my hands. "W-What crosses a line...What separates the good people from the bad?" I said aloud, not asking her. I didn't tell them what I saw, I just couldn't bring myself to since...I'm still trying to come to grips with it.