HSMTMTS SICKFICS: because I'm bored :/

It's not What it Looks Like Part Two (Nini and Ricky)

Author's note: Here's part 2. I think some readers will be able to relate to this part and some won't. Friendly reminder that it's ok not to be okay during these hard times. If you need someone to talk to don't hesitate to reach out to a friend or family member. You are never alone.

TW: Panic and or anxiety attack I can't decide.

Nini's POV:

Ricky and I were sitting down on the stage rehearsing lines for the musical, since I couldn't rehearse my scenes with E.J because he went home early. He didn't even bother to look at me when he read his script. He kept looking at the ground as if he was ignoring me. What's up with him today? First the E.J incident now rehearsals.

"Ricky, we need to talk about what happened today. This is the second time this semester that you've acted out and accused me for wanting to be with E.J. What's going on? Is something bothering you at home?" I said a bit too angrily as I placed a hand on my boyfriend's back trying to comfort him since he looked sad.

Instead of letting me rub his back to comfort him, Ricky mumbled something under his breath and looked away from me.

Since we were sitting on the side of the stage by a wall, we had some privacy. I watched as Ricky leaned against the wall near us and started breathing heavily then curled himself into a ball. I wasn't sure what was happening but Ricky was not responding to me.

"Ricky, what's going on? Talk to me. I'm sorry for yelling at you." I said as I sat next to him while he was curled into a ball hiding his face.

"OMG, Ricky what's going on? Your heart is beating so fast." I said to him as I put a hand on his back to feel his heartbeat which was super fast.

"Ricky, baby please say something. Your scaring me Ricky. What's going on? Please look at me." I started to tear up since I couldn't even get my boyfriend to look at me.

I immediately ran over to Miss Jenn who was directing a scene with Ashlyn and Rico who were playing Miss Potts and Chip and interrupted her conversation.

"Miss Jenn, something's wrong with Ricky. He won't talk to me and he's curled up in a ball in the corner over there. He's breathing so heavily. Maybe we should call the school nurse?" I said as a tears slipped out of my eye.

"He's having a panic attack. He's had a few of them before but you were never there. I had to help him." I heard his best friend Big Red say as he walked over to Ricky and whispered something to him while Ricky uncurled out of his position.

I watched as Big Red and Ricky walked out of the theater while Ricky had his head down. I felt so bad for him. I didn't know that he's had panic attacks before without me being there. I've been so busy applying to colleges and studying for all my AP tests, I hadn't notice the change in my boyfriend's behavior.

"It's ok Nini. He's gonna be fine. He's a trooper. He's been through a lot this past year." Gina came over from where she was standing to come hug me since I was basically just sobbing on the stage now but hadn't moved.

"I feel so stupid. I should've known that something was going on at home for him. He's so sensitive and fragile. I should've watched his behavior change." I sobbed into Gina's blouse as she walked me over to a seat away from the stage since Kourtney was being directed to do something on stage.

"It's been a busy semester for you. Don't blame yourself. Ricky is going to be okay." Gina said as she handed me tissue pack from her backpack.

"Thanks G. I'm just really scared for him." I replied as I blew my nose.

"Sorry if I'm interrupting something here, Ricky has calmed down and keeps whispering something about Nini. I think he needs you." Big Red said as he walked up to us.

"Good luck." Gina said to me as she handed me the pack of tissues.

"Red, where is he?" I said with a raspy voice as I followed him to the theatre exit since I had been crying.

"He's sitting by the lockers in that ball position again. His breathing pattern is steady now. I think he's just scared and embarrassed because everyone saw him. He needs you Nini." Big Red said to me as he lead me to the hall where Ricky was curled up in a ball.

"Ricky? I'm here now. It's going to be okay." I said as I sat down by the lockers next to him without touching him so that I wouldn't trigger something again.

"Nini. I'm scared. Really scared." I heard Ricky mumble as he uncurled himself and sat down into criss cross next to me.

"Why are you scared? I'm sorry I haven't been there for you. I feel like the panic attacks are all my fault." I started tearing up again.

"It's not your fault. My mom is getting remarried." Ricky said as he scooted over next to where I was sitting.

"Oh. I'm sorry. You should've said something. I would have been there for you. Is the mention of your home life what triggered your panic attacks? I'm sorry I had to bring it up so soon." I said as I leaned over closer to him and put my head on his shoulder.

"I guess so and seeing you and E.J together coming out of AP Bio class triggered my anger. I'm sorry for yelling at you two earlier. Ever since, my mom came over a few weeks ago and announced that Todd proposed to her, I've been really angry all the time when I see couples. I am so scared that you'll leave me for someone else because I'm a mess with my panic attacks." Ricky said as he played with my hair, which was a nervous habit of his when we were alone.

"Awww. It's okay to be scared. You have to promise me to tell me if you ever feel upset or angry again. I want to be here for you at all times, even if its a phone call away. I will always love you for being you Ricky. You are not a mess. You just have some things going on at home that aren't okay right now. I'll be there for you if you ever need a shoulder to cry on. I don't want you to feel alone during this time. I love you so much. Please don't forget that." I said as I played with his curls since he liked that.

"I love you too. I'll try to tell you when I'm upset more often. The panic attacks just happen out of the blue. Big Red always sits with me doing breathing techniques till they go away. Can we please get out of here? I don't really want to rehearse anymore. I look like a wreck." Ricky said as he leaned his head onto my shoulder.

"Yeah, let me just get my stuff from the theater and tell Miss Jenn I'm leaving. I hope you apologize to E.J soon. He never did anything to hurt you and he wants to ask Gina out but he's too scared."I said as I got up before Ricky reached out for my hand.

"I'll apologize to him tomorrow at school. Can we watch movies at your place and have some of Mama C's chocolate chip cookies? I don't want to go to my house right now." Ricky mumbled as I helped him stand up.

"Yeah, I'll ask Mama C to make some while I drive home. Will you be okay for a few minutes while I get my stuff from the theater? I don't want to leave you alone after what happened." I replied as I stepped towards him to kiss his cheek.

"I'll be okay. I'm going to get some books from my locker. I'll meet you by your car in a few minutes. Thanks for being there for me Nini."Ricky said before he kissed me on the lips affectionately.

"I'll always be there for you no matter what." I replied as I gave him one more kiss before heading back to the theater to grab my belongings.