Where We Begin & End II K.N.J II

Chapter 11 - The Nightgown

A/N: Lmao this chapter is a bit... heavy. I was pretty conflicted about it but it's necessary for the plot (or so I tell myself). I wouldn't call it smut but uh I guess it's mature?? So here's your warning? ⚠️⚠️⚠️Lmao enjoy, my kids!

(I got tired of searching through pinterest for a fitting pic so I just picked randomly)

Love,

MsNoShelfControl.

It was cold again. Cold and dark. And I was alone.

Back where it all started.

Standing at the open door, I took in the gloomy sight of my apartment. Shattered vases and picture frames decorated the floor, adorned here and there with the dark crimson of blood. My hands and feet stung at the sight.

I could see through the open door of the bedroom, the white sheets strewn about, books thrown haphazardly and paintings... paintings I'd poured my blood, sweat and tears into, torn and scratched into. The whole scene seemed as if there had been a wild beast let loose in there, ravaging every bit of available peace.

The wild beast was me.

I felt the energy drain out of me with each step I took, and a familiar numbness wrap itself around my being.

"You know, it's taken me this long... but deep down I've always known. You haven't loved me in a long time."

I swallowed, feeling the lump in my throat again.

"You're so cold."

"How do you expect me to love someone so cold?"

The memories were sharper and more painful than the broken glass on the ground.

I looked at the wall clock that read 9:47pm.

Last time, when I shattered myself along with the destruction visible in the place, it had read 6:01 pm on a Sunday. I hadn't held back one bit.

If I destroy everything I touch, then I will destroy everything I touch. That was the only thought in my head as I tore apart and broke every worldly possession I had, even the ones I had kept close to my heart.

Because I had no intention of living with the consequences.

The universe must have had a good laugh at me then, for here I am, only a day later, back in the same place, about to reap what I sowed, with only the grinning face of humiliation at my foiled attempt at taking myself out of my misery to keep me company.

I felt a wave of bitter resentment rise within me. Even though I knew I had no right to blame him, I still wanted to.

Namjoon.

I had allowed myself one moment of weakness, because in that one moment he had made me feel warm. And that one moment had costed me everything.

Now here I am, back to square one. Having to clean up a mess I didn't want to see again. Why did you have to follow me?

Suck it up. You deserve to hurt longer. And you deserve to keep it all to yourself.

Silently, I started picking up the wrecks of glass and ceramic, careful this time to not let them cut me. I could still feel the warmth of Hoseok's hand as he ever so gently cleaned and dressed them.

I was a selfish soul, but I couldn't bring myself to throw his efforts down the drain so soon. Living was going to be so much harder now that I know what kindness feels like.