Where We Begin & End II K.N.J II

Chapter 12 - The Watch

It's been a while, I know. I moved and I also started working so my schedule is pretty hectic. It'll get worse once my classes start. SO I have no choice but to update one chapter a week, I hope no one minds. ;-;

Anyways, enjoy yourselves <33

Love,

MsNoShelfControl.

Even asleep, she looked restless in my arms.

When she is sleeping is when I let my walls down around her, that's when I truly let her in. But she rarely ever sleeps when I'm around now.

Lifting a hand from where it rested on the small of her back, I tucked a silky strand of dark hair behind her ear, revealing the timeless beauty that is her face.

Her face that had drawn me in like a moth to a flame four years ago. Nothing much had changed since then, her skin was still the same milky complexion that reminded me of porcelain dolls. Her lips were still soft and velvety in a small pout that brings to mind freshly bloomed rose petals.

The only difference would be in her eyes. Had they been open at the moment, I knew I would see the emptiness in them. A huge contrast to four years ago when they had gazed upon me with the fiery spark of curiosity and life. And I knew I was largely responsible for smothering that spark.

Holding her now in my arms, even with the guilt churning in my stomach, even when I knew I didn't deserve it, I knew I never wanted to let her go. I didn't want to us to be ships in the night. No, she was the lighthouse for me. My home.

A home that's in shambles, but still the only place I could come back to at the end of the day. She was what kept me grounded, even when she was the thorn in my side.

A small whimper rose from her lips, and I froze as she snuggled in closer to my chest, her warm breath fanning across my skin, bringing back a thousand nights when she had done the same.

And a thousand more when she hadn't. Because I wasn't there.

I was fully aware she knew where I spent the nights away from her. I'd waited for her to say something, anything to bash me, to confirm with her own lips what a piece of shit I am.

But she'd never said a word about it. Instead, I just watched her eyes dull.

There was so much I wanted to tell her. So much I wanted her to tell me. But both our lips have been pursed shut and the walls between us have been growing insurmountably.

What have we become?

I thought back to earlier when I had almost told her I loved her. The words stuck in my throat and I saw the crushed anguish on her face. And I knew our momentary trance was broken then.

Did I love her? I wasn't so sure anymore. I wasn't sure she loved me either. I just knew I couldn't leave her. That I wanted to forever remember the sincerity in her eyes when she finally told me that yes, she did miss me. I knew that I hated how she trembled in my arms after we'd made love, drenched in her own tears. Because I knew those were not happy tears, it wasn't just the intensity of her pleasure that had her shaking like a leaf.

Tightening my arm around her, I tried to engrave this moment into my mind. The warmth of her weight nestled against me a reminder that she really was here with me. That we were together for once.

I wanted to talk to her, at the same time I didn't.

There was too much unsaid for us to start speaking now, too many wounds that would start bleeding out.