Cold Hands ✔️

twenty two

chapter 22; maybe frankenstein will be our always

tw: description of panic attack

I rubbed my face with my hands before setting my head on my desk, exhausted. The floor seemed like it was made of water and I had to close my eyes before I got dizzy. They had searched all over the marina, but there was no sign of Belladonna. I was still frustrated that I was benched, but I was happy the girl was saved. She was just 16 and she didn't fit the victimology. So we either have an unsub who is changing preferences, or spiraling.

Either way, it made it a lot harder to find her.

Technically in the databases, Belladonna spent a week in the hospital following the car crash and then vanished. Garcia couldn't find any tax forms, housing or credit cards. It was like she vanished off the face of the earth, so how was she getting cash?

I traced the outline of the branding through my jeans. I had to get that covered up. I thought back to Andrew and how he was still out there, the thought of that making me nervous.

"I think she became a hit woman." Reid said from next to me. I slowly raised my head to glare at him, but he was a lot taller than my current position. He cleared his throat.

"Think about it, she disappeared and now only resurfaced. She had to be making some sort of income to stay off the grid. We said at the first crime scene, it was the work of someone experienced, that wasn't their first time killing. It makes sense that she must have been a contract killer before she became independent and started targeting you." He explained, bending down to my level.

I nodded and returned my forehead to the edge of my desk, tracing again. I could feel a panic attack coming on and I hated it. Okay, it makes sense, it's not easy to become a killer. Did she kill Harper? No, I'm sure she couldn't have. Harper was the one driving, Belladonna was in the backseat. It was a drunk driver. Unless she had hired the driver. But she valued Harper too much to do anything...

My chest tightened and I moved my head from my desk to between my knees, trying to control my breathing. I can't get out of my mind like this, I had to stay rational. Harper's death was an accident. It wasn't a contract kill, Belladonna did not kill my best friend, it was an accident.

"Addy you're okay. You're safe here at the BAU, you're safe with me." Spencer said. She's dead, gone, I don't know what to do anymore. Harper's gone. Harper's gone and I'm going to be next. She's gone, I don't understand any of this. I grimaced at the pain in my chest when I tried to breathe.

I was acutely aware of where I was and I hate how this is happening here. I hate how I'm supposed to be seen as fine when I'm being targeted. When they killed my best friend and I'm next. I squeezed my eyes closed, unable to look while the room spun. I don't want to be here. Everyone is looking at me and I can't tell them where to look next. My failure for the team is going to get them dead. Harper's dead. She's going to kill them too like she's going to kill me.

 Harper's going to hate me and leave me again. She'll leave me and everyone will hate me. She's dead. She will leave me again and I'll be alone. I shook my head. This will pass, this is just a feeling I'm bigger than this. I tried to calm my breathing, despite my mind fogging up. Harper's dead. But I will catch Belladonna, she can't hurt me right now, unless she hired someone on the inside. No, no I can't think like that.

"Addy, I'm sitting right here, take your time. No one is looking at you, it looks like I'm reading to you." I heard Spencer say. The weight stayed on my chest despite me trying to self sooth.

~~~

Spencer has had his fair share of panic attacks. He knew what it felt like and what you thought. Addy was smart enough to know what it was, but it didn't mean she was smart enough to ignore her mind. Spencer didn't touch Adeline and instead grabbed a book and opened it to a random page, sitting down next to her.