All's Fair in Love and War [ON HIATUS]

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"Narutoooooo! You said we'd loot last week! And we never went!" Ino groaned.

"Ugh, Ino! I don't wanna get up!" I swatted her with a pillow. She still had bedhead, she woke up and said she wanted to go out first thing an loot. Nope. Not happening. Not at this ungodly hour of 9 am.

"Oh, come on shin'yu!"

"No."

"Please?"

"No."

"For your best friend?"

"No."

"For your girlfriend?"

"No."

"For Sakura?"

"No."

"For Sasuke?"

"That's a big fuck no."

"I'll let you have 'you-know-what' if you get up." My head popped up at that.

"You mean...?"

"Yep!"

"You actually gonna let me have it?"

"I mean, only if you want it-"

"No no no! I want it!"

"Alright then! I'll get your dango later!" She said giggling. I groaned.

"That's not what I thought you meant!"

"Oh, I know what you thought I meant, and I'm not ending up like Sakura and Sasuke-parents at 18 and 19? No thanks." She swatted with me with a pillow.

"Hime your gonna give me brain damage if you keep doing that!" I groaned.

"Good. Maybe it'll teach you to keep away the dirty thoughts."

"Ugh. You're insufferable." She giggled.

"That's what Itachi said."

"I bet."

"Now YOU'RE the insufferable one. Come on, Naru! Get up!" She flopped down on the bed next to me and I started playing with her blonde hair.

"Naru, you're gonna make me fall asleep if you do that."

"Good."

"Eh?! Why's that good?!"

"So I can sleep more."

"UGH! Fine! I'll just ask Jiraya to go with me." She got up and stormed out of the room.

"Yeah, totally, you do that." I waited a few seconds. Then what she just sunk in.

I shot up out of bed looking everywhere for Ino. I found her in Jiraya's room.

"JIRAYA DON'T YOU FUCKING LAY A PERVERTED HAND ON HER!" Great. My loud ass self made everyone see what's up.

"What's going on? I smell tension and it's not sexual." Neji pouted. I rolled my eyes.

"Ino was about to go loot with Jiraya!"

"INO WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT? THAT'S HOW YOU GET RAPED!" Sakura said as she bounced baby Sarada in her arms.

"Because Naru wouldn't go with me!"

"I would've. But she pissed me off when she tricked me!"

"How'd she trick you?" Hinata asked. I blushed.

"ShetoldmeifIwentshewouldletmedoher....."

"What? I couldn't hear you."

"ShetoldmeifIwentshewouldletmedoher." I said louder.

"Naru-dobe we can't hear you." Sasuke said. I groaned.

"SHE TOLD ME IF I WENT SHE WOULD LET ME DO HER!" I shouted. The girls' burst out laughing and the guys developed tick marks.

"Man, all girls pull that one don't they?" Asked Gaara.

"What? It happened to you too?"

"Are you kidding me? Masturi uses it almost every fucking day!"

"So does Tenten."

"And Tamaki."

"Anko does too."

"So does Tsunade."

"Sakura uses it TOO much."

"Temari uses it everyday. I don't know how I'm so smart yet I fall for it every time."

"Kurenai uses it a lot."

"Hinata uses it on me." Kankuro and Hinata are a thing?! Everybody else seemed to be thinkig the same thing. Hinata hit Kankuro upside the head.

"I TOLD YOU NOT TO TELL ANYONE YET!"

"S-Sorry Hina-chan! But you do!"

"How long has this been going on?" Neji asked glaring at Kankuro.

"Uh, since the day Ino got here I think?"

"4 MONTHS AND YOU SAID NOTHING!?"

"No. I knew. I walked in on them making out." Ino said proudly.

"And you didn't tell me?!" I asked offended.

"We weren't that close back then."

"But we are now!"

"Whatever Naru."

"Hmph. Hime."

"Oji."

"Hime."

"Oji."

"HIME."

"OJI."

"HIME."

"OJI."

"HIME!"

"OJI!"

"Hey, hey, hey! Break up the lovers quarrel, will ya?" Jiraya said suddenly.

"SHE/HE STARTED IT!" Tsunade laughed.

"They really are two dumb blondes meant to be." The others stared at Tsunade and she realized she called them dumb.

"What'd you call us, old hag?" Ino asked furious.

"Um, dumb?" The blondes pulled out blue and orange frying pans from behind their backs.

"RUN OR DIE BASTARD!" Everybody ran from the room screaming.

"WHERE'D THEY GET THE FRYING PANS FROM?!"

"I DON'T KNOW!"

"IT'S FAN FICTION LOGIC!"

"ONLY AUTHOR-SAMA KNOWS!"

"JUST RUN IF YOU WANNA KEEP YOUR LIVES BITCHES!"

"DID SHINO JUST CURSE?!"