Where It Began

Sorry, I ghosted you.

Hello, my lovely babies.

I've been a pretty awful writer mom to you all and I'm so sorry about it. I really am.

I kinda lost my writer's zen for a bit cause of everything going on in my life and in the world. I love writing and not writing made me so sad but also not having the will to write didn't help much. Then Coronavirus happened and our worlds just kinda tilted and started spinning in circles. ( I hope everyone and their family is safe and protected from this virus. And if you have it, I pray you heal and your immune system strengthens to combat this virus).

I haven't gone to school physically in months and I miss the joy of being around others. I'm a social person and my friend group was small but so fulfilling. I rarely see my friends anymore and some of my friends' phone numbers I don't have so it'll be almost a year since I've last heard from them and how they're doing. This breaks my heart every time I think about it but I also want them safe and my family safe so distance is what will have to work for now even tho it sucks.

I also have my biggest exam yet in four months days after my birthday and I'm terrified. I've lost most of my passion for my subjects and don't know what to do. My teachers make it no better with the downpour of work but not explaining the work and helping us. It really upsets me because every night I get anxiety trying to finish assignments and then I procrastinate doing test papers cause I know that most of the stuff is so new to me and I'll probably fail. I chose sciences by the way and they are definitely no easy task especially learning all those equations. I really just pray for a miracle, some form of help with school cause its kicking my ass rn and I really want to succeed. I just need the help.

Emotionally, I've been great these days. I'm really at peace inside and enjoy the little things more. I've been trying to keep that up for as long as I can cause I love how confident, and kind, and sweet I am and I just love how inside of my mind is so peaceful and loving to me. I'm grateful that mentally I could  I could live peace, yuh know and I wish for all those who don't feel that way to be blessed and annointed with that blessing in these crazy times.

My love life is full. I have a bunch of guys that like and love me. The only problem is I worry about their secret motives and intentions. I worry about breaking someone's heart even if I don't feel the same way. Right now, I'm so busy that I can't sustain a relationship. I just want people in my life that bring me the same joy I bring them. I like a boy a lot and I know he likes me too (he called me drunk one night and rambled on and on about how he wanted to see me and that I was so beautiful to him. The next day he forgot and I acted like didn't spill his heart out just to make him feel safe with what he feels). We've been distant tho because the feelings are really intense and he's scared to say what he really wants to say and I'm just so nervous about what to do when the cat's out of the bag. It'll all work out tho, I don't dwell on my love life too much cause school is really my main focus rn. I know that what is meant to be, will come to me.

My family and I are so close and it makes me so happy. I've always had an amazing bond with my dad and now we've become best friends in a way. Me and my mom are so much more connected and my baby sister and I actually like some of the same things that always keep a smile on my face.

So to wrap it up, life has been a rollercoaster and so much has happened that I can't even begin to write but it's slowing down and looking up in most aspects so I'm happy. 

I'll be posting Friday for sure. I know you all missed me and think I quit but I haven't. I know what it's like enjoying a story and the writer just stops. It's really not a nice feeling so I'll be back on the grind with this and my other stories.

I love you all. Thank you so much for the support. I was so happy and shocked when I saw my story has 90 k reads like WOAH. That's amazing to me and I couldn't be more joyful as I write this with watering eyes of pure joy to see you all so intrigued with each chapter and conversing in the comments section.

I'm happy  I poured my heart and thoughts here for you all. It's nice writing how you feel, it's like a wave of release of your shoulders.

Once again, I'm sorry and I love you all.

I'll love it if you all write in the comment section about how your life is going, how's your mental health. Any news at all you feel comfortable sharing. To my babies, pls make the comment section a safe and positive place for everyone to express themselves and their emotions and don't be afraid to converse with each other and give each other advice and support.

Remember, we are all one with the same experiences just living them in a different time and period.

Thanks for sticking with the story even tho I ghosted you.

With love and light, I bless you all xoxo.