martyrs & maniacs. | tbz jujae

O4.

The sun looks exceptionally bright today.

It's pretty. Chanhee is pretty.

"Is there something on my face?"

Juyeon only chuckles. Without any warning, he puts his hand on the boy's cheek and seals the distance between them with a short kiss. "I just can't believe you're with me right now." He whispers against the other's lips when they parted.

Chanhee whines, so soft and tiny that Juyeon can't help but kiss him again. God, Juyeon is really deeply in love with this boy.

The younger traces Juyeon's feature with his slim finger and, in a pouting voice, mutters, "How long has it been since we last spent time with each other?"

"One month." He tries not to let disappointment lace his answer, but Juyeon isn't really the best at masking his emotions.

His boyfriend sighs. "I'm sorry, baby. I have a lot on my plate these days."

"I understand. I just felt... really lonely when you were gone."

"Oh, baby." Chanhee cups his face, making the older face him. Chanhee's lips are settled in between a pout and a frown, eyes getting teary, and Juyeon wants to hurt himself for being the reason why his lover is like this. "I really wanna spend time with you too... but I can't. Trust me, I didn't want to leave you like this. I will never want to leave you like this."

To hear Chanhee's voice breaking because of regret and devastation makes Juyeon feel horrible. He curses at himself for ruining the mood. After all, it really isn't Chanhee's fault. The boy is busy. With what? Juyeon doesn't know. He doesn't deserve to know, anyway. Seeing Chanhee like this, so vulnerable and full of love for Juyeon makes him realize that everything is his fault.

The barrier that Juyeon thought is slowly ruining their relationship is non-existent at all. Every worry and fear he has for their future was just because Juyeon didn't trust Chanhee enough. Chanhee loves him, he can feel it. The lack of time for him does not lessen that love. It doesn't prove anything negative on Chanhee's side. All it proves is that Juyeon is too damn clingy. Demanding. Pessimistic.

Juyeon wipes the single tear that fell on his boyfriend's cheek. "It's not your fault, Hee. I'm sorry if it sounded like I was blaming you."

"You should be." Chanhee answers, his voice too hoarse for his words to sound like a joke, but Juyeon considers it to be one anyway. "I love you, Ju. You know that, right?"

Juyeon hums. "And I love you too. So much."

♡

(That night, with the television creating faint noises in the background and his cat Hwall sitting comfortably in his lap, Juyeon had finally made a decision. Don't put any more expectations into their relationship and put more trust instead. Chanhee is his own person, not required to be by Juyeon's side to shower him with love 24/7.

Juyeon is determined to make this relationship work, and so he will try to be more understanding of Chanhee's situation. The barrier was his fault, and so he is willing to wait. Juyeon will wait for him. For everything to return to as what it is from the start.)

♡

Juyeon clicks with Hyunjae better than he expected.

After the night at the party, the latter had become more of a recurring character in Juyeon's life. He wasn't just some guy Juyeon met twice anymore; he's now a friend, a person in the same level as Younghoon and Eunseo in his BFF Ranking. And he should have seen it coming — after the party, they continued to hang out, starting from Hyunjae reaching out to him while they were nursing their hung overs. It was just a simple invitation for basketball, soon followed by a competitive meet up in the arcade, and then a relaxed moment in a cafe, and before they knew it, they have now become inseparable.

Hyunjae can be quite loud and goofy, probably even obnoxious to the strangers around them, but Juyeon thinks that it is what makes Hyunjae charming in some way. The older is hyperaware, knows when there is something wrong and when to lift the mood up of the people around him. He does it so naturally and Juyeon is amazed every single time. Juyeon finds comfort in depending on Hyunjae whenever he has a hard time, and Eunseo even joked about Hyunjae replacing Chanhee in Juyeon's life.

Speaking of Chanhee, Juyeon can say that he regrets only making that decision a few days ago — he should've thought about it since day 1. Ever since Juyeon realized that it was his fault why their relationship is a bit unstable, he and Chanhee have gotten closer, if it was still possible. There are still some events of ghosting and late reading of messages, but Juyeon is confident that everything is starting to go back to normal — something that all of his friends groaned at.

Chanhee once spotted him hanging out with Hyunjae in the fried chicken stall in front of the campus. The younger was with Changmin back then, an eyebrow raised when the face of the person Juyeon is talking to didn't look familiar.

"Baby." Chanhee snuggles close to him, removing his fingers that were intertwined with Changmin's own. He looks at Juyeon, and then to Hyunjae, and then back to him. "Who's this?"

Even if they haven't met personally before, Hyunjae had listened to the group's rants and looked at Juyeon's lockscreen and wallpaper long enough to know the identity of the newcomer. "You must be Chanhee." The mentioned boy looks at him, deadpan. "I'm Hyunjae, I met Juyeon while—"

"We met at Younghoon-hyung's party. The one that you were unable to attend." Juyeon pipes. There is no way Juyeon will let his boyfriend know that he met Hyunjae on the day the younger stood him up. With the situation of their relationship right now, there's nothing wrong with telling Chanhee that at all, but still.

Chanhee's eyebrows were furrowed that day, and it gives Juyeon a sense of accomplishment to know that Chanhee is jealous. Because there is no other explanation but that, right? Chanhee is jealous of Hyunjae, and he's pouting and shooting glares at practically everyone in the place because of it.

Juyeon found it funny to the point that he excused both himself and Chanhee so that they can go home early, leaving Changmin and Hyunjae alone. Looking back, it was quite rude, but Chanhee always makes Juyeon do all sorts of things.

"I don't like seeing you happy with him." Chanhee had said when they arrived at Juyeon's room. Juyeon only grinned and muttered an "Is someone jealous?". The younger said nothing else and rolled his eyes instead.

They kissed, they laughed, and they spent the night huddled in each other's arms. How Juyeon wished that they can stay like that forever.

On his phone screen, Hyunjae's "you need to make up for leaving me alone bc that actually hurts lol" text lights up before disappearing, an indication that the sender deleted the message.