martyrs & maniacs. | tbz jujae

22.

hello i'm back! the votes and comments gave me so much motivation to write, thank you to everyone for liking the story T___T dw, i will be updating more chapters tonight (and i can't wait to see everyone's reactions for later).

remember to stream tbz's o sole mio perf. have a great day/night!

Juyeon was awake when Hyunjae started talking to someone over the phone.

It came as a surprise for him to wake up in the middle of the night, (Or morning? He isn't entirely sure.) especially since he drank past his drinking limit a few hours prior, but here he is now; eyes slightly open as he stares at the window facing his side of the bed.

Maybe it's the cold wind that entered from the window that he forgot to close, maybe it was the effect of being ridiculously drunk while heartbroken, or maybe it's Hyunjae's not-so-silent conversation with someone over the phone, but Juyeon is already too awake to even drift back to sleep. His head and his eyes hurt, but something in him is keeping himself from sleeping.

The man beside him is talking to someone, and Juyeon doesn't want to add more to the debts he owes his friend by interrupting his talk, so he stays silent.

The heavens know how much Juyeon tried to not eavesdrop on whatever Hyunjae is saying, but Juyeon can't help it. Every word that comes out of Hyunjae's lips made his ears perk up, attentively listening to the conversation. Especially when the older one mentioned his name.

"You better not scold him when you guys meet." Hyunjae says sternly. "Juyeon is in a devastating state right now. He doesn't need anyone to constantly remind him of... whatever unfortunate that just happened."

It is followed by hums and small sounds of agreement, and Juyeon assumes that the other person is having a rant based on how long Hyunjae kept silent and listened.

The older man gasps lightly. "Don't you dare do anything stupid, Eunseo!"

"What do you mean getting your friends to collectively harrass Chanhee in his social medias isn't stupid? That's fucking cyberbullying, dipshit!"

Juyeon tenses at hearing his boyfriend's name, and a little gasp gets stuck in his throat that he immediately covers by shifting in his bed, pretending to still be asleep.

He can visualize Hyunjae looking at him by his side. "Yes, I'm still here. I just thought Juyeon was— I will tell Bona to steal your phone so I can throw it in the bathtub! Juyeon isn't going to be happy when he learns what you're planning to do."

Juyeon squeezes his eyes shut. Hearing his friends talk about what happened to him with pity laced in their voices just rubs salt to the wound. He doesn't really want to hear all of this. What he wants is to drift back to sleep and hope that everything is back to normal when he wakes up tomorrow.

That everything is nothing but a horrible dream.

"Of course I care about him!" Hyunjae whisper-shouts, interrupting Juyeon's attempt to sleep.

As if he heard Juyeon's silent plea to save him from overhearing a conversation he doesn't want to hear, Hyunjae tones down his voice to a whisper. "I love him, Eunseo. How am I supposed to not get worried for him?"

And that's when it came back; the indescribable feeling that engulfed Juyeon's chest when he overheard him say something to Eunseo back at the snack shop. The one that gave him a mixture of guilt and grief and also warmed his heart at the same time.

"If you could only see how heartbroken he was back there. He was suffering so much, he was in despair and— fuck, it hurts so bad to see him like that. Seeing him in tears broke my heart too."

Juyeon's grip in his blanket tightens.

"I'm not going to force myself on him and help him move on, Eunseo. I don't care if he will never love me back. I don't care if he finds someone else to love. I told you this before, didn't I? All I care about is for the stars in his eyes to return."

Juyeon sensed it all. He felt the ghost of Hyunjae's fingers run through his hair. He felt his blanket that only reached up to his chest cover his shoulders. He felt the sincerity of Hyunjae's words as he sighs and stands up, "You really deserve so much more."

Juyeon doesn't like this. He doesn't like hearing Hyunjae talk about his feelings for him because it only fills him with overwhelming guilt. What did he even do to deserve Hyunjae's love? When all he did was be smitten with somebody else then come running to the older when he got his heart broken.

Hyunjae is a good man. He's smart, talented, kind and stunning. Anyone that isn't Juyeon deserves him, and Hyunjae can easily get anyone he likes. So why is he keeping quiet when he knows that Juyeon is too in love with someone else for him to reciprocate his feelings?

Because Hyunjae loves him, and that fact frustrates Juyeon so much.

Love is supposed to be easy. It was supposed to make you happy and so carefree. Instead, it just gave Juyeon lots of baggages to carry emotionally. It wasn't like this whenever he watched his parents when he was still young. For naive little Juyeon, love is full of sunshines and rainbows. Full of things to be thankful and be happy for.

He doesn't have a lot of things to be thankful for when love finally came around. But, Juyeon must admit that there's one lesson he learned in love that he ought to give kudos to.

Juyeon learns that his perception of love is wrong. He's horrible at figuring out if it's love or not, especially if he's on the receiving end. Until now, he's still not entirely sure if Chanhee even felt a single hint of love for him in the years they were together.

One thing that Juyeon is sure, though, is that Hyunjae's love is far different compared to Chanhee's.

And he meant it in a good way.