Short, not my best writing. I'm so sorry
Frank;
I run into my house, just wanting to flee the scene. I didn't expect him to do that, I really didn't, but I should've seen it coming, I should've better prepared myself for something like that. I know that everyone calls him a slut, but I seriously didn't think he worked that fast. Two days? We don't know each other. For all he knows, I could be some weirdo. Is that how big his ego is?
I ignore my parents' greeting, dashing past them and upstairs into my, still packed, bedroom. I jump over the box obstacles and practically dive onto my bed, accidentally hitting my head on the wall from bouncing from the impact. I take a deep breath, just trying to cool down. I got fired up back there and said a few harsh things, but fuck, he needed to hear it all. He needs to know that if he ever wants to stand a chance with me, or anyone else, in a loving way, he needs to figure his shit out, he needs to drop the attitude, drop everything. He can't act the way he does and suddenly expect a loving relationship with my trust that I won't get hurt.
I lay in a ball on my bed, thinking of all the ways that scene could've been played out. My head progressively starts aching, from my racing thoughts and the knot I have accumulated from the wall. Why did he have to do that? Why! I thought I could do this, I thought I could just be his friend, something he really needs. I'm not doing this to develop feelings, I'm not doing this to become some fuck that gets dumped the next day. I want to be his friend, I want Pete and Mikey to understand and believe me that Gerard can have friends that aren't just a fuck.
Gerard is just making everything I'm trying to do so much more difficult. I've fucked up by developing feelings. How am I supposed to be just friends with someone I have feelings for when I obviously know they like me? Dammit!
I sit up on my knees and just start flailing around out of pure frustration. I throw my fists around, punching my pillows or the wall. I kick my feet. I grab my hair. At some point I started screaming at myself and I'm surprised my parents haven't come running up here yet to check on me.
After wearing myself out, I sit on the edge of my bed, breathing heavily, and trying to calm down. I don't know where that all came from. I've never really had a tantrum like that since I was six. I shake my head and lay down, closing my eyes. Maybe I can just sleep this off and it'll all be gone tomorrow morning. The memories of Gerard's lips on mine will be gone, the rejection will be gone, my entire visit to his house will be gone. Tomorrow will be a normal day. I just need to sleep it off.
*
I walk into the school building, maneuvering my way past groups of people so I can make it to my locker. I haven't quite memorized where it's at yet, so I still have to look up at the numbers on the tops of the lockers to find it. When I eventually do, I walk up to it and open it, grabbing my binders and folders that I need for the first few hours and put them into my bag.
"Hey," a familiar voice says from behind me, spinning me around.
"Hey, Pete," I say, closing my locker and walking with him to wherever.
"How was last night with the- um, with Gerard?" He asks, covering himself up quickly from his almost slip up. I still caught it though, and it pumps anger through my veins, but I choose to ignore it, not wanting to yell at another person.
"It was fine," I reply, lying through my teeth. I really just don't want to tell people, especially Pete or Mikey, that Gerard kissed me. They'll only say 'I told you so' or something like that, and you know what? I'm not in the fucking mood for that.
"Hm, well, let's hope that 'fine' doesn't mean you got fucked," he says, stopping at a locker, which I assume is his, to open it and retrieve some things.
"Pete," I sigh, trying to think of a way to make him understand. "It isn't going to turn into that. I'm perfectly capable of controlling myself and not getting caught under his spell." My voice comes out more full of venom and spite than I intended. I didn't mean to sound like a guy talking to his worst enemy, but I'm so sick and tired of everyone putting Gerard down because he likes sex. I mean, yes, people have gotten hurt by him just using them and dropping them off like the trash, but if everyone knows about Gerard's past and the things he does, then they shouldn't expect it to not happen to them. They shouldn't expect the perfect relationship.
"I'm just saying, Frank, Gerard has a way of making people fall under his spell. I just don't want another friend of mine to get hurt.."
"Thanks for your concern, Pete, but I'm just going to go to my class early," I say, waving my hand around as if to exaggerate my point. He looks like he's about to say something, protest maybe, but I just walk away. I'm seriously done with everyone at this school.
So, I make my way to my chemistry class, walking in the door. The teacher, Mr. Fuentes, greets me when he sees me walk in. "Hello, Frank."
"Hi," I mutter, walking to my desk and plopping my stuff on the top while basically throwing myself into the seat. Does everyone in this entire world have a thing for making me mad?
"Are you... um, alright?" He asks, standing from his desk and walking towards me.
"Oh, yeah. Everything is just peachy," I reply, crossing my arms and looking out the window. I watch as a few birds fly in the distance and the wind blows some leaves around. It's oddly calming, but my temper doesn't decrease much.
"Want to talk about it?" He makes his way to the desk sat beside mine and sits in it, facing me.
"Let me just ask you a question. How would you feel if you promised yourself and your friends that you would not fall under the terrible spell of someone, that you were just friends and will only be just friends, and then he kisses you. He kisses you and you know– you know that you've fallen under the spell. How would you feel?" It was a little more than what I wanted to say, but I got it off my chest. I've been trying to deny that I want another kiss, that I want him in general, but I can't and that's what pisses me off the most.
"Well, um.." He shifts around in his seat a little, looking like he's trying to gather a proper answer. "I don't know how I would feel. I do know, that other people's opinions on this person shouldn't bother you, or them. If you're caught under this 'spell', go for it."
"I can't. The spell isn't a good one.." I answer. "This is going to probably give away the person, but everyone calls him a slut. I'm a virgin and I'd like it to stay that way for a while."
"Well, um, self control?" He says, making it sound more as a question than a statement.
"I guess, Frank, that if you feel you cannot maintain your morals, don't do it."
"I'm just so confused. Everyone is basically calling him heartless, then he tells me that he has feelings for me. I mean, he's only known me, like, two—three— days," I say, waving my hands around, then slapping them on my desk. "I mean, I don't think he's heartless, but I definitely don't think you can develop feelings in two days' time. Then again, I said I like him too. Wait, that makes me a hypocrite. Dammit." The last few sentences were meant more for me than Mr. Fuentes, but if he heard me, then that's okay.
"Don't stress, Frank," he says, standing up from the desk he sat in. "You'll figure out what's best." He starts to walk away, but then I stop him. A question.
"What if I pick the wrong thing?"
"Well... A society that forgets its past is doomed to repeat it. Try to learn from your mistakes if that's the case." He walls away this time, sitting at his desk just in time for the first bell to ring.
Well, Mr. Fuentes succeeded in not helping me at all. I still have no idea what I should do about Gerard kissing me.
*~*~*~*
Oh my gosh. I'm sorry /.- this chapter sucked. I have had horrible writer's block (which you already know if you read Saved By My Bully) I tried to think of something good but I don't know. I'm sorry..
Well, I love you guys. Feel free to throw things at me for this shit.
xoCrashFire
