Gerard's POV
I drove home in a daze, it was a miracle I didn't crash into a tree or something with how little attention I was paying to the road, but I got lucky and made it home unscathed, besides for the ache in my chest that is.
I stormed up to my room in a huff, ignoring Mikey's irritating voice calling out to me, probably asking if I fucked Frank, or something like that, and I refused to acknowledge him.
I didn't know what was wrong with me, it wasn't just the fact that Frank had refused to kiss me, it was what he had said afterword that hurt so badly that I was mildly worried that I might be having a heart attack.
He had left me feeling so confused, and vulnerable, and alone, all because of one casually uttered sentence that had torn the foundation of my life out from under me, because he was right, I didn't know who I was anymore, I hadn't really been myself since Bert had left me.
Before Bert, I had been decently happy - a bit lonely at times, Mikey had been my only friend, but I wasn't upset or depressed, because I didn't realize what I had been missing out on. Then Bert had waltzed into my life, and he made me feel loved, he made me feel wanted, and that sensation of being adored by another person who wasn't family was indescribable.
When he left, he took all of that with him; I became a shell of my former self, I refused to leave my room for ages, only when I had school could I be convinced to budge, and even then, I was in a fog the entire day, replaying old memories of happy times instead of actually paying attention, it's astonishing that I didn't fail eighth grade actually.
When I started high school, I decided to change, I had to before I faded away into nothing, so I began searching for a replacement Bert, someone who could make me feel those same emotions that he had pulled out of me so easily. That task was easier said than done, I had literally lost count of how many relationships I had been in over the last two years, and none of them held a candle to the flame that was Bert.
And throughout all of that, I had lost my sense of self; I had morphed into this person that I didn't even recognize anymore, and I used to think it was for the better, but now I wasn't so sure. I had become cocky, confident in my abilities to woo anyone into my bed, and because of the lack of sparks those encounters usually produced, my heart had become callused - it had to be, or else I would feel the other person's pain each time I ended it with them, and I had already been through that once, I didn't think I could take that agony again - it would break me.
But I meant what I said to Frank, I never truly meant to hurt any of those people, and I would never intentionally hurt him. I wouldn't do that, especially not to Frank, he was so innocent and sweet; he was special, I didn't know why exactly, but anyone who could make a chaste kiss feel like that was something else.
And he was right when he said I didn't know him, but fuck did I want to, and my first instinct was to try and pursue a relationship with him, because I may not know his favorite color or his favorite band, but I knew I was attracted to him, and I didn't like to pass up on opportunities like that, because he could be the one I had been looking for, and I would never know until I tried.
But I had fucked that up as well now; Frank was pissed at me, and after tonight, he probably wouldn't want me to speak to him again. I didn't know what to do, should I try to apologize, because it would be a lie if I did. I didn't regret the kiss, only the way he reacted to it, and knowing Frank, he would call me out on that too, he read me way too well for a guy who had just moved here a few days ago.
I guess I had to leave it up to Frank; I knew that if I pushed him right now, it would only drive him away, so I just had to give him some time to cool down. I could tell that he had some feelings for me, no matter how much he tried to hide them, and hopefully they would outweigh his anger in the end.
