Beautiful,Beautiful,Beautiful boy

39: Hallow

          Everyday it started with throwing up. Bokuto was starting to get on my case for being sick. So to make him happy I started taking medicine. He doesn't know. I was hoping he wouldn't. Now I was two months. I had kept going to appointments passing them off as a date with Kenma, or Suga. I knew he wasn't dumb, he'd find out soon. Or maybe he wouldn't have the chance to. No! I can't keep thinking like this. How can I feel this way to the child growing in my womb? Yes I'm scared, nervous, and worried. Those aren't excuses for my behavior.  Bokuto had picked up on my behavior changes. He made comments on how everything seemed to set me off. I was now overly protective of our murder we have.
           Two months was when I lost the first one.  But at three months I almost lost Hinata. So these next week's will be nothing but anxiety. A part of me wanted that to happen. That dark side I always threw to the side. The side that wasn't ever aloud to see the light of day.
           I sighed laying on the bed. Bokuto asleep next to me. A hand resting on my stomach. I still held scars from carrying Hinata. Those scares being stretch marks. They decorated my skin everywhere. Every gross inch of my body was covered in those stupid lines. And now there would be more. Why'd we have to be so stupid as not to use protection.   
       I hate myself. I hate everything about myself. I rolled out of bed  a wave of dizziness hitting me. I cursed under my breath silently walking to the bathroom. A bath would calm my nerves. It would ease my mind. No. I needed to write. Writing is the only thing that could calm me. So I went to the living room grabbing my laptop. I opened it up, and started.  

Two souls lost in love. Each blinded by their own stupid actions. One says I love you. The responds but it's hallow. It's hallow like every promise made to one another. It's hallow like the rings the exchanged.
 
Their love was hallow. But they couldn't see. They couldn't see when the other would whisper into the ear of another women ' I love you'

Maybe that's how love was. A bundle of hallow feelings being wrapped in blindness. Love. Love. Love. A word repeated through history, but it runs along another word.
 
Hate

I love you means I hate you.
I hate you means I love you.

Both whispered down through history. Fighting each other. Now they fight together with the Hallow lovers.

" I love you says" the man the wife only gives a nod as she slips away to her other lovers. The man doing the same.

What's the meaning of love if you can't love yourself?

The man doesn't know the women has body issues. The women doesn't know the man suffers from depression. They don't say that to one another. True lovers share. These two  keep secrets.

The women has a big secret she hides from the man. The man has one himself.

The women is pregnant
The man has another wife

They don't say anything. They act in this hallow emotion of loving each other. Living a perfectly hallow life.

Hallow.

Hallow is there hearts.
Hallow is the meaning behind every I love you,
Hallow is the driving force of this love.
Hallow and love
To the lovers there isn't a difference.
Hallow and love.
Love and hallow.

Hallow and blind
Blind and hallow.

The perfect recipe for a love thats broken like the women's heart. Broken like the mans mental state.

Broken

Broken

Broken like the promises they made. The hallow, broken , blind promises.

I Love you
I hate you

The words describe the lovers well.

    Akaashi sighed reading what he had written. He reached for his phone calling the doctors. The appointment was made. No turning back. He could do it. He had to. He needed to. He walked away finding himself in the bathroom.
  
       " Why mommy? " That stupid voice of a little girl asked. This always happened after thinking about the babe he held in his womb.
       "Cause mommy is a coward. Mommy is scared of daddy. Mommy is scared Daddy will leave. Mommy is scared your brothers will hate him. Mommy is selfish for letting you happen. Mommy made a mistake. And now mommy was paying for it. " Akaashi looked at his reflection. Staring back at him was that scared second year who'd just a baby. The pain he saw in his own eyes scaring him.
      " But daddy said he wanted me"
       " Daddy lies a lot.. He tells mommy he loves him.. But does he really live mommy? No.. Mommy can't give him what he wants. So daddy finds people who will satisfy him. Cause mommy can't " His grip on the bathroom counter growing tighter.
      " Daddy doesn't love mommy anymore. Daddy thinks mommy doesn't notice when daddy sneaks in late. When daddy smells of alcohol. When daddy has someone else's sent on him. Daddy doesn't hear mommy cry himself to sleep on those nights. Daddy doesn't know mommy sees the lies behind his ' I ove you' s. " He shook with tears.
        " Daddy doesn't see when mommy is watching him with other women. Daddy doesn't notice when mommy is broken. Daddy only sees mommy as an object. Daddy only uses mommy to have his kids.... "

Daddy doesn't love mommy it's all hallow.