countdown... | Ateez Yunho

5 days remaining..

The next day I followed Nari to her classes once again and when we got to the door, Yunho was waiting to greet her. I watched as she harshly brushed past him, ignoring all attempts he made to get her to notice him. I wanted to intervene and tell her that there was no reason for her to treat him this way. But, I couldn't. So, after she made it clear she didn't want to see him, he walked away with his head down and I followed him to his class. When he sat down in his seat, he immediately opened up his notebook. Inside were sketches of Nari and each drawing was...beautiful. Would I have looked as beautiful if he'd drawn me?

I took my attention away to look up at the classroom. It was the same art room I had went to when I was still in school. Now I was really confused on how I never saw him before. Did he just newly transfer in? Talk about bad timing.

The Professor came rushing in as class began and I took a seat next to Yunho. Even though I hated school when I was alive, a part of me started to miss it now. I missed the days when I could just draw whatever thoughts I had in my head. What a tragic masterpiece I could've created with whatever's in my mind right now.

I was so engrossed in the lecture until I heard Yunho harshly erasing and ripping out pages of his sketchbook. I wanted to draw too. And his strive for perfection was quite comforting to me as well. It made me feel as though we'd be compatible had life aligned itself differently. But, the very thought also made my stomach churn as I'll never know if he'd even see me as an acquaintance. Would he have featured me in his sketchbook had he'd seen me? Would I have been worthy if he did?

I laid my head down on the desk, looking up to admire him. For a moment, it felt like a college love story, with just two art students finding muses in one another. But, when I glanced back at his paper, I was forced to remember that I was not his muse. Nari was. Even after she treated him so coldly, he still saw her as art.

Even though I was deeply hurt, I wanted the two to reconcile. It was stressing me out that their petty feud was all my fault and that they'll never understand what truly happened. Even I was confused about what happened. So, how do I tell my best friend to forget my existence? How can I make sure she gets the happy ending I never deserved?

As soon as class was over, Yunho rushed back to Nari's classroom to greet her at the doorway.

"Did I do something wrong?" he asked. Again, she pushed past him. He sighed and was about to walk away until Nari turned back around.

"Why'd you do it?" Her voice was stern.

"Do what?" he questioned as he faced her.

"Break a dead girl's heart." As soon as she spat these words, every student who was in the hallway turned to face them. Yunho shifted his feet, uncomfortably.

"That's a strong accusation you're making there."

"Admit it! You put my best friend through hell even though you knew she was going to die!" she was beginning to choke up.

"I don't know who Kim Aera is!" he defended.

"Then, who hurt her? Who else is named Jeong Yunho?" she started looking around at everyone. They all looked terrified. Even I was mortified by my own friend.

"Can we talk somewhere more private?" he begged. Something must've made Nari gain her senses back as her body became less tense and her expression calmed down. People were starting to disperse too as classes were starting again. Fortunately for them, Yunho and Nari had a long break before their next one.

"I think that's a good idea," she replied before walking off, not even waiting for Yunho to follow.

When they made their way outside, Yunho quickly spoke up as the two sat on a bench. Nari placed her bag on the ground as she got into a more comfortable position.

"Nari, please. You have to believe me."

"Why should I?"

"Because, I think you're the only one who can save me." He reached out to grab her hand and she surprisingly didn't pull back.

"What are you talking about?"

"I think we're soulmates."

"Where's this coming from?"

"For some reason, I feel connected to you. Like, something about you feels familiar for me."

He felt the same way I did for him, just for her.

"I refuse to be your soulmate," she responded.

"You didn't even give me a chance yet."

"Because, love without a soulmate is bad. But, a soulmate without love is even worse." I remember her telling me the same words all the time. It still hurt to hear them now even though they weren't directed towards me.

"I see you in my dreams, Nari. Even when I'm asleep your presence haunts me. I can't get you out of my mind. This must mean something, right?"

It didn't mean anything at all. Seeing someone in your dreams was for a reason. They were meant to stay there.

"Yunho, I want to trust you."

His expression immediately brightened.

"Then, just trust me."

"But, I'm scared to."

"Why? What are you afraid of?"

"Something about this doesn't feel right."

"Please-"

"I have to go," she quickly interrupted, leaving her bag on the ground as she rushed off. When I carefully looked at it, I realized she had been carrying my bag all along. I gasped as I saw the portrait I made for him sticking out. I was hoping he didn't notice, but as he tried to call out for her, he stopped in his tracks. He cautiously unzipped it and pulled out the painting. He looked at it with wide eyes and quickly stuffed it back in. He then ran off in her direction, I'm assuming so he could look for her. What was she going to do now? How could she explain that she was carrying around her dead friend's backpack with a painting of him?

"Nari!" he yelled when he finally saw her in the distance. She turned back and started running towards him when she realized he was holding my bag.

"Thank you," she said, trying to reach for it. But, he pulled it away from her.

"Why do you have a painting of me?" he asked as he was catching his breath.

"You looked through the bag?" Her voice was furious as she tried to grab it once again. His grip on it was too strong though.

"Answer me."

"I can't," she admitted.

"Then, you must feel the connection between us too, right? That's why you painted me." He suddenly grabbed his own bag now to take his sketchbook out. "I did the same thing. I drew you because I knew we were soulmates. We're the same."

Nari hesitantly reached for the sketchbook and as she flipped through the pages, I could tell by her expression that she was flattered to be the center of his artworks.

"These are beautiful, Yunho." She didn't take her eyes off the pages.

"Of course they're beautiful. They're pictures of you."

"I hope you like the portrait of you too then. Even though I don't think it really justifies how attractive you are in real life." She smiled up at him.

Their relationship was finally making progress once again. But, was she really taking credit for my painting? I know she probably had to, but I was still hurt. No, I was more than hurt. I felt betrayed. I was starting to regret not signing my name on the bottom of it. But, would it have even mattered? What right did I have to use a complete stranger as my model? My circumstance would've looked much worse than Nari's. Still, I was aching. Badly. I wanted him to know that it was me who captured his beauty. That it was me who kept seeing him in my dreams. And that I completely understood the love he was giving out, even if he seemed crazy.

Because, you are my muse, Yunho.

Why couldn't I be yours?