countdown... | Ateez Yunho

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Yunho had kept his promise of texting Nari back. They spent the rest of the night talking, and I didn't have the strength in me to watch. She eventually fell asleep but their conversation immediately picked up when she woke up. Was it really that natural for them to speak?

I went out of the room so she could get ready for classes. But, what was I going to do today? I had no intentions of sitting through boring lectures, especially when I didn't have to. Would it be okay for me to find Yunho? I mean, there would be no consequences of me looking. But, what use would it be? He was falling for Nari quickly, and there was nothing I could do about it. And, even if I could, why would I want to? Their love is real and mutual. Whatever obsession I had for him revolved around my own delusions. I should be happy for them. So, why does my heart feel like it's shattering every second? Why can't I just be happy for them?

I decided to step outside to clear my head. Being alone clouded my thoughts with anger and jealousy. How much longer did I have to suffer?

I walked to the dog park to see if cute dogs could cheer me up. And when I did, I saw a familiar looking golden retriever walking by.

"Yunho!" I yelled with excitement. He started barking at me as his owner pulled on his leash to try and calm him down. I bent down to try and pet him, but my hand went straight through. I couldn't even enjoy a walk in the park. But, at least I knew the dog existed and that it wasn't a part of my imagination.

I kept walking but decided that staying with Nari was probably the best idea. A part of me regretted not reading their texts last night since my curiosity was eating me alive. I wanted to know what it was like to actually have a boy like you back. Or at least how it felt to talk to one. How did she make things look so easy?

When I finally found her, her lecture was ending and she made her way to the school's library. She immediately opened up her books to start studying. A few minutes in, her phone screen lit up. I ran over to look.

"Hey, what are you up to? :)" Yunho texted.

"Just studying for my exam tomorrow. How about you? :)" she replied.

"I just finished classes. Do you mind if I come visit you?"

"I don't really want to be distracted right now, sorry."

After she finished texting, she immediately turned off her phone and placed it in her bag. It was boring to sit and watch her study. I began to walk around, pretending like I was interested in any of the books they had. I was about to return to the table until I saw Yunho sitting in the corner near the windows. I cautiously walked over when I saw him. What was he doing here? Was he waiting for Nari to tell him it was okay for him to come over? That meant he went to the same university as us. How come I never saw him? Perhaps I should've went back to the school during my last few days.

I sat in the seat across from him as he sadly looked at his phone. How did Nari do it? How did she get a boy to like her enough to want to come see her? Even in my own fantasies, I had to go chase after the guy I liked. Now I'm seeing the same guy treat my best friend the way I wanted. And she's pushing him away. It's not like she was obligated to like him back. But, a part of me wanted to live vicariously through her. It's selfish of me to think like that. One moment I want them together and the other I want them apart. I wish I was alive to at least talk to him though. Would that have changed anything? Could I have possibly been enough for him to like even just a little?

Suddenly, he started packing up his things and pushed out his chair. I wanted to follow him. I wanted to know what it was like to walk with him, hand in hand. How pathetic was I? To continue dreaming of things that could never happen. Still, my feet took over and suddenly I was right next to him. Even though I didn't exist to him, I was still so nervous. I tried brushing my hand against his but it went straight through. Maybe I was imagining things again, but I thought I saw him flinch when I did. Could he feel my presence? Or was I just hopelessly wishing?