A New Lease on Life

Parker

"Maybe you should see a doctor. I'm worried about you love?" Mom says as she continued to rub my back while I was puking for 5th time today.

I hate being sick.

She works as an editor for an online magazine and 4 weeks ago she came to Paris to be with me in my final months. Her boss agreed that she can do her work from "home" and since she's in Paris she was given a weekly column about shops and restaurants.

Jake found a prime location for his restaurant and has spent the last 2 months getting it ready.

Food network already contacted him to do an article and the restaurant isn't even opened yet but all the reservations for the next four months have been booked.

His reputation and food reviews are amazing so it's no wonder people are eager to eat here.

Once I was done vomiting mom took a wet rag to help me wash my face.

I hate that she has to see me die.

We're on the cold bathroom floor and she pulled me into a hug and played with my hair while humming.

She would always do this when I was little. It's so soothing and I feel tears run down my cheeks.

I only have 4-7 months left to live.

I have a feeling I'll die sooner. Over the last month, my health has been getting worse.

I wake up nauseous. I have barely any appetite and when I do I'm puking constantly. My stomach hurts and I've been cramping.

If it's not those symptoms then it's the one where my head is pounding because of the constant headaches I have. I'm tired all the time and my lower back hurts so much.

Maybe the cancer metastasized. I read that it can do that.

I'll never get married, I'll never see Jake again, I'll never be in moms arms.

We already lost dad and now I'm going to. Why is my life like this? I've been so kind to literally everyone and I'm dying from cancer.

It's not fair. it's not fucking fair

I'm a good person and I'm sick. Meanwhile, there are murders, criminals, and downright terrible people who will probably live well into their 90's and I'll be dead in a grave.

"Baby please, let me take you to the hospital. I know you don't want treatment and I've accepted that. But you're my son and no mother wants to see their child in pain. Maybe they can give you some pain medicine." Mom said as tears ran down her face.

"I'm so scared" I cried

I know I've been saying how I shouldn't be scared or how I'm not afraid to die. But truth is that's a load of bullshit.

I don't want to die but treatment killed dad faster than it was saving him.

But I know mom is also breaking down. This woman raised me since I was 4 years old. She is the only mother I know.

She took care of me. She was the one reading me books when dad worked late. She hand-stitched Halloween costumes for me because I wanted to get dressed up like a flower, or a cloud, or something the stores didn't have.

My bio mom doesn't give a shit about me. When I reached out to tell her I was dying the only thing she asked about was if I was going to give her anything after I die.

Like what the fuck?

How heartless. As if abandoning me wasn't enough, now as my life is ending all she cares about is what's in it for her.