johnlock: forgive and forget

20 Love lessons

Following straight on from the last chapter

'John.'

'What are you doing here? Wait... how do you know where I live? The last time I saw you, you didn't even know my name.'
'Mycroft. I asked who you were and he wouldn't tell me anything, but he did tell me your address and your name. So would you please, please explain why you were at the hospital. Why I can't stop thinking about you! Why i apparently thought it necessary to scan my entire mind palace for you for weeks. Why don't you exist! I have looked in every part of it and I have never even heard your name before.'
'Why don't you come inside. I can't promise anything but I can offer you a cup of tea?'
john replied trying to act as calm as possible.

The two men walked inside the flat with Sherlock following shortly behind johns footsteps. Johns mind was wiring, wondering if this might be the day. The day that Sherlock would remember who he was.

'So. You didn't find anything about me in your mind palace? What did mycroft tell you?'

'There is nothing about you! I don't even know how you know what a mind palace is. Mycroft won't tell me anything about you or why you were with me at the hospital. He claims I have never met you before. But why do I get the feeling I do!! My brain is telling me I don't know you, and yet my heart is saying I do and that I would do anything for you. How could that be! It's scaring me. It's scaring me what I would do for you.'
'Hey, slow down. I will explain but it will take time.'
'Please, go ahead!'

John didn't know how to go about this. He didn't know how to explain everything to him.

'Well. I... we... we solved crimes together. We were friends, flat mates, maybe even more than that. I loved you. I loved everything about you. The only thing more incredible than your smile was when you were smiling at me. And for some reason that was often. I never thought I would lose you. Didn't care about anyone else, you were all that mattered to me. You still are. All of this may sound incredibly cringy, but it's all true.'

'Oh...' For some reason Sherlock seemed a lot closer than he did before, or maybe john was just imagining it.
' if you want to leave you can. I understand. You have no reason to stay.'
John could almost hear his heart breaking in two. He has ruined it. Ruined everything.

'no! It's just, I can't love you, I don't know how to.'

John didn't know what to say. He was at a loss, did this mean Sherlock wanted him as much as he wanted Sherlock? Or did he really just want to leave. That's how it should be. After all, he had no memory of John whatsoever. The next words that came out of the raven haired man were the words that had john hoping. Hoping for a better life and a better future. Maybe even with the man in front of him.

————

'If you loved me as much as you say you did, prove it.'

These words told John that he needed to do the one thing that he never, never thought he would get to do again. he didn't think it would change anything, as there was no way that Sherlock could ever regain his memory, but John needed to feel his lips against the man he loved one more time.

Filling the space between them, John leaned forwards and pushed Sherlock against the wall, seeing the heat in his eyes he grabbed the raven hair and pressed his lips against Sherlock's. A soft moan came from his the taller mans lips, as he seemed to melt into the kiss.

John sprung back in surprise, that was not the reaction he was expecting.

'John Watson. Royal Army Medical Corps.
Fifth Northumberland Fusiliers. Your sister is Harriet Watson and she has a drinking habit. The first time I told you that I got it wrong. I thought it was a brother. I don't often make mistakes.'
'What are you... what?'
'John. I remember. I remember everything about you.'