Beautiful Scars

Chapter 4

Coco was talking to me.

She told me the boy was a virus, she told me he was going to infect my mind with false constellations that I did not need.
I never ignored Coco and if she said the boy was bad, it meant the boy was bad.

"You have to leave" I whispered, my mind focusing more on Coco then Michael.

"What?" He asked confused,

"Leave!" I shouted,
Mag came running into the room expecting to see something that would shock the cells out of her brain, but of course the whole display of the scenario was practical.

"What's wrong?" She asked anyway,

"He needs to get out of the house now!" I screamed, almost a cry,

"What why? Tell me what's going on?" Mag tried to calm me down, but Coco wasn't having it,

"Coco, she said he is bad. Get out boy!" I cried,

"Coco... Oh no not Coco." Mag mumbled under her breath, she was contemplating on what to do. Coco had existed since I was eight. Not many people knew about her, only my parents and Mag. I wasn't so sure if the people at the asylum knew either, probably not.

"I think you should leave." Mag looked at Michael pointing towards the door that would lead him to exit the room,
And with that the boy got up and left the room.

"He's gone now, Coco can calm down" Mag whispered to me and then she left the room. They were out of my sight but I could still hear their voices from down the hall,

"I don't understand" the boy pleaded,

"Look, it's a bad idea to hang around her, the poor girl is still recovering. In time she will heal and her mind will be normal again, but for now I think you should lay low." Mag spoke in a fierce tone, I never crossed Mag when she used that tone. I didn't hear Michael say anything else, I only heard the front door shutting.

"You idiot. You're just a dumb little brat. You don't deserve to feel happy. Off you go, go get the knife in the kitchen..." Coco was screaming in my head, I always followed her instructions, so with that I got up and started walking to the kitchen that connected to the living room.

I picked up the sharp, partially dented knife that lay on the bench of the old styled kitchen. I breathed heavily and put the knife to the vein that was most visible on my boney wrist. Before I make the cut, a tear dropped from my eye and for what feels like an eternity it finally landed on to the wooden floor next to my foot.

"Help!" I scream, because I am not in control of my mind and my mind is controlling my hand. And right now my hand is shaking, getting ready to slice the kill called my vein. As my hand is about to make the final move Mag runs in the kitchen and warns me to put the knife down. Slowly getting closer to me, each step getting bigger then the next.

"Do you think I want to do this!? It's Coco, tell her to stop!" I cry, and then I realize that my cheeks are soaked in tears that have been dripping from my lifeless eyes. I take my other hand to feel my face not actually noticing how wet they really are and then I wonder when all this water fell from my eyes in such a short amount of time.

"Give me the knife, Chloe" Mag put her arm out and opened the palm of her hand motioning for the knife to land there. The shaking of my hand was getting worse and worse by the second and with all my will power I tried to slowly put the knife gently into her soft hand. When I realize I had dropped the knife a sigh of relief filled my body. But I was still crying.

"I'm sorry" I whispered,

"I'm calling Angelina" Mag shouted, no no no the last thing I wanted was for the asylum to think I was getting worse.

"No please" I beg,

"That girl is controlling you Chloe! It needs to stop, she is the one making you depressed" Mag cried, a treacherous depth filling the inside of her voice,
She was sad.

"And what you think because I've been there for eight years that just 'one more year' is going to make any difference? Because it's never going to! Do you think I want to be like this? Do you think I want to suffer? And cry? And mess things up? Because I don't. I wish I could just make a genie appear and that they could make everything better, but I can't and they couldn't and no one will. And it's unfair, but that's how it is."

"Life's unfair to everyone, that just makes it the most even playing field out there"

"Oh so you think your life sucks as much as mine?"

Mag didn't reply after that, because she knew my life was worse. My life was just a ticking time bomb waiting to explode. And I knew that. And everyone else knew that. But I couldn't control it, because I am not my mind and unfortunately my mind was in control of me.

Coco was gone. And my crying stopped.

"I need help, but I want actual help. I want to be treated as a normal person not a crazy one and even if I am mentally insane I don't care. Get me help not this locked up crap that I've been dealing with that just makes everything worse." I demanded, because I didn't want to feel so restricted to life, to living. I wanted to smell the roses and go to the beach and hang out with friends and fall in love and be normal.

"Okay" Mag agreed and with that she came and wrapped her arms around me and I followed the motion. I could feel her tears on my shoulder,

"I love you" she whispered,

"I love you, too" I replied. And then she let go.

"Go get some sleep kiddo"

And then I went to bed, my mind wondering back to Michael.