Beautiful Scars

chapter 11

I was crying.
what. is. wrong. with. me.
everything.

Get it together.
I didn't even know why I was crying. Mia didn't get to me. I think I was crying, because I realized that I am psychotic. I always joked around about it just to mock people, but while I was walking it hit me. I was in an asylum, I've tried to kill myself, I tried to kill someone else.

More tears started to flow from my eyes. My blinded eyes. Everything anyone ever told me, it hit me and I realized it was all true. I was in denial. I was in denial of my own craziness. I was not a normal teenager nor would I ever be. If Michael found out I tried to kill someone he would see my true colors. Then he would leave. Leave like the rest, because the rest could see and for some reason Michael couldn't.

And then of course Michael showed up.
His first instinct was to hug me and hold me, which felt sensational and eased a bit of my pain.

"Don't cry." he whispered, "It hurts me to see you cry."
My heart melted at that, which made me much more sad, because in a few minutes he would leave me and I would never be able to feel his touch again or his voice scraping the side of my skin. I would never feel the tingles his words shot through my body and I would never be able to mend my broken heart.

"Michael. Everything everyone's ever said about me is all true. I am so messed up. And it's just hit me now that people weren't judging me, they were just simply listing the facts." I let go of his tight hold and looked him in the eye,

"Baby," he tried to retort,

"No, listen. You're going to runaway after this, but I need you to listen. It's pretty obvious I've tried to kill myself, I'm sure you've figured that much out already. But I, uh crap this is hard. I kind of tried to kill Angelina, it gets worse. I did it with an axe. Well I tried." I admitted, it did feel like a weight was lifted off my shoulders, but an even heavier one was added a second later because I would have to deal with one less person in my life. And I didn't know how I was going to handle that.

"Do you think that you trying to kill yourself is any different from you trying to kill someone else? No, it's not. And I love you knowing you have tried to kill yourself and I will continue to love you knowing you have tried to kill someone else. And you know why? Because I know that's not you. Deep down you didn't want yourself or anyone else to die, otherwise you would've been dead by now. And so would've Angelina." He finished. I was shocked, I'm pretty sure my jaw hit the ground.

"Michael I think you might be more insane then I am." I joked, I needed to lighten up the mood,

"That's what love does, baby." he smiled back, his alluring smile. My lip curved upwards without me trying, just being able to visually experience his astonishing smile brought one to my face willingly. He made me happy and not many people had that effect on me.

"Come on, it's time to get to English." He said and he grabbed my hand and intertwined his fingers in mine. It was a perfect fit.

He made me feel protected. He made me feel safe and secure and comfortable. He made me feel alive, something I didn't experience very often.

English was half way through when the teacher announced that by the end of the week we had to present a speech about being an adolescence and our feelings on it. I was actually quite happy, because I was interested in what people would talk about. Would some say they loved it and we're having the times of their life getting drunk and going to parties? Or would some say they wanted to grow up, because they had goals to achieve and jobs to do?

unfortunately, I was neither.

After a few more periods school was finished and Mag was waiting for me in the parking lot. I was busy walking to the car when Alex came running towards me.

"Hello ma'am, I'm Alex. I was wondering if Chloe could come to mine because we need to work on a school project together? As I've got training on for the rest of the week I can only do tonight. I assure you I will have her home by nine." Alex spoke in such a manner that I knew Mag couldn't say no. What was it with boys and their charm?

"Of course, for school purposes. Chloe call me every hour. See you soon." Mag replied and she got in her car and drove away.

"Okay, what the hell?" Is all I could mange to blurt out,

"Let's go. Get in the car." he pointed to his car and started walking behind me. I did what he said, because I was honestly still in utter shock.

"Okay, now that we're in the car I can talk to you. I just simply want to be friends with you and I'm going to prove to you that I'm not a dick like you make me out to be." he nodded, agreeing to his words. I chuckled,

"Why did you get your lip pierced?" I asked out of curiosity,

"That is not going to help my argument in the "me not being a dick" department, so I won't answer that." he replied a grin across his face,

"Or you could make up some sob story that will melt my heart making me believe you did it for a healthy cause." I mocked, he laughed and started shaking his head.
"What is with that? I seem to amuse people so much to the point where they shake their heads and laugh. It gets on my nerves."

"Chloe. I'm gonna be straight with you, you're not exactly the person that comes across as funny and makes stupid jokes. It just makes people realise there's so much more to someone then what they look like. Well at least that's the effect it has on me. And I like it." A sincere smile formed on my face. In a way Alex and Michael were similar.
Both gorgeous, muscly but slim, intimidating yet comforting, least bit judgemental and they both have the same body language.

I liked the idea of knowing that there were good people still left in the world. It helped me to hold on a little longer.

"Let me guess, you got that piercing to impress girls. The same way girls wear push up bras to impress boys." It was the way of life. Boys formed their style in order to seduce the female specie and girls formed their style in order to seduce the male specie. No matter how many people denied it, the fact was true.

"Push up bras don't impress me. They're either naturally large or the girl is a miracle worker." Alex winked, I knew he was joking.

"It all depends if the girl will be a good wife. And everyone knows that hoe's don't fill that requirement. They're not a males relationship goal. They only come in handy when we're bored." Alex shrugged. Boys were jerks for treating girls like that, but I could see where he was coming from. If you put yourself on the platter, be prepared to get eaten.

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It was the end of the week and here I was in front of the English class, shaking like an earthquake was busy happening.