Beautiful Scars

chapter 8

I looked up at Michael, a glint of fear in my eyes.
I love Michael, I think. And I was scared, I was scared to fall in love, because everything that falls always has a landing. I was scared beyond life. I was scared of loving, because I had never loved something before. I was bitter. And he would see that sooner or later. Plus, how could I love someone else if I didn't even love myself? I was scared to hurt him most of all, because I would never be able to give him what he wanted. I would never be good enough. Tears started to well up in my eyes. I held my stare, though. He was trying to read me, he was trying to understand someone who could never be understood.

"I can't." I managed to get out over my heavy breaths, I was in pain. I wanted us. I wanted him, but somehow I had to find the power in me to do what was best. For both our sakes.

"You can." he replied, worry building deep in his eyes. I wasn't sure if he was reassuring me or himself,

"I'm bad. I will only get worse." I put my hand over my mouth to stop me from sobbing,

"You can deny all you want, but that won't change my feelings for you. They're too strong to let go." As he said that my glance went from his face to the table that was beneath my body,

"Look at me." He said fiercely, but still in a comforting tone. He grabbed my fragile chin with his hand and slowly pulled it up so I was facing him,

"Michael..." I whispered, I wanted him to see that I wasn't being selfish. I wanted him to see that I wasn't denying love out of fear. I wanted him to know that I was doing it for the boy I loved. He looked away from me. His jaw clenched and he let go of my chin,

"You know why." I whispered again, still trying to hold my sobs back so that I didn't look like a baby,

"It doesn't make it any easier, Chloe." He said his gaze still the opposite direction to mine,

"I know." I reached out for his hand hoping to give some comfort, to help ease his pain.

"I don't want to hurt you. You've been hurt enough. And I don't want you to runaway from the love I have towards you, because you're scared of what it might do to you." Michael said squeezing my hand in the process, slowly pulling his gaze back into mine,

"It's what I do Michael. I hide. And I won't put you through that. I won't let you have me, because I love you too much." I said, a tear streaming down my cheek,

"But I found you're hiding spot. And now it's your turn to do the finding." Michael said, his eyes in deep pain. He looked away once again and got up,

"Where are you going?" I asked,

"I'll call my friend to take you home at least I know you'll be safe with him." He said, no emotion in his voice. I knew what he was doing, he was trying to push his feelings away and replace it with nothingness. Little did he know that only ever made things 100 times worse. I didn't reply. I just remained seated in the booth as he went outside to wait for his friend, as soon as his friend came he drove off without even looking at me. I walked outside giving a faint smile to Michaels friend.

He was good looking, not like Michael though. Michael was just breath taking in the physical side of things. His friend had blonde, shaggy hair and tanned skin, he had ferocious green eyes with a hint of brown in them. He wasn't as tall as Michael, but he was still pretty tall. He was more bulky then Michael and had more defined muscle, but Michaels slender body with slight muscle suited him. He didn't need to be bulky.

"I'm sorry." His friend said as I walked up to him, he probably saw my red puffy eyes and knew that it hadn't gone well,

"it's okay" I replied, as I hopped in the car,