Beautiful Scars

chapter 6

I woke up to the sweet smell of pancakes. A smile spread across my face as I remembered last night. I got up feeling refreshed and awake and walked over to the kitchen where Mag had laid out all different toppings.

"Good morning sunshine" Mag grinned,

"morning" I smiled back. She got out a plate and put a pancake on there,

"Just try" she said, obviously knowing that I was going to refuse, I nodded and got the bottle of maple syrup and gently squeezed it letting the sticky liquid flow out the lid and across my pancake,

"I can't eat the whole thing, it's too much" I frowned, it was a large pancake; but it was thin.

"dammit Chloe, I've already eaten four. How much fatter are you going to make me feel?" she laughed, letting out a small sigh in the process,

"sorry" I shrugged and with that I took a small steady bite of the pancake. I had enjoyed this bite much more then the one I took at the cafe. I managed to eat a little more then half of the pancake leaving me to feel as if my stomach was about to burst. I drank a glass of water to hopefully help with the fullness and then got my stuff feeling sad that I was going to have to face the asylum once again.

I think Mag sensed my disappointment, because she came over to hug me and told me that things were going to get better. I gave her a soft smile, not believing the words that were coming from her mouth.

"I don't want you trapped in that hell hole, Chloe. I never did."

"Where is she? Has she forgotten about me?" I asked, Mag knew straight away that I was talking about my mum,

"Honey, I don't know. The last time I was in contact with her was two years ago. She lost it you know? She went crazy. She started drinking and when your dad tried to make it better she went off and cheated on him. She was sleeping around a lot. I don't know what happened to her Chloe, but she became a crazy bitch"

I laughed at that last statement. Bitch was one way to describe my mother.

"And what about dad?" I asked hoping he was still sane. Mag gave me a sad smile and I could see pain was shooting through her. Her stomach hunched a bit and she held it with her hands, she definitely had a nervous knot in there. I frowned, something was going on that I didn't know about.

"tell me" I demanded, she was a little shocked to hear the harshness of my voice and her smile faded, anger kicking in,

"Chloe, you will know in time. Be patient, okay? And just trust me, I wouldn't keep something from you if I didn't think I had to." The words Mag spoke hurt me, because I loved my dad. I always had. More then anyone on this earth. He was stupid and arrogant, but he truly loved me, he never assumed or accused me of being crazy or psychotic. No, instead he told me that I was completely sane and everyone else around me were the 'insane' ones. He held my smooth little hand at night and kept me going, he visited me a lot. He stopped though, he said that it was safer for me if he didn't come anymore and that one day we would meet again.

Maybe that was the time when my mum was cheating on him. idiot. I hate her, she always had to ruin everything. She ruined my life, she broke me. She's the one who shattered my little stalk of being, of life. She crushed the love out of me; and she did it on purpose. She was the monster who caused my pain, she's the one who caused my acrimony. I may be fastidious and stubborn, but I didn't form that on my own. She made me.

A tear fell from my eye. Although it felt more like my heart bleeding. I looked at Mag as she studied the essence of my very readable expression.

"Oh honey, don't cry." Mag then stepped forward and held me tightly in her arms,
"Come on, let's get going. We have to discuss you getting out of there for your own good"

I smiled while the sadness of my tears were still dripping along the lines of my cheek.
At least I had Mag.

After a long ride, we finally reached the asylum. My legs felt like they had turned into jello. I knew Mag was going to make some arrangement for me to leave, but I had a gut feeling that it wasn't going to fly well.

"Here we go." Mag whispered, she seemed like she felt uneasy as well, which only made matters worse. She grabbed my hand and breathed, then we started walking to the entrance of my death.
Right at the front of the door was Mark and Angelina. I quickly let go of Mags hand and stood up tall.

"So, how was everything?" Angelina asked excitedly, that made me puke in my mouth but I swallowed it back down,

"Great. I got her to eat a chocolate slice and a pancake! She honestly did so well and I'm so proud of her. Plus she even made a new friend." Mag smiled, she was over exaggerating on the whole "she did so well" part, because in fact I nearly killed myself. They both turned their heads to me and looked surprised but happy. I gave a quick, shy smile back.

"That's great, well hopefully we can carry her on from there." Mark spoke, and there it was. My gut feeling had been correct, I knew it was bound to happen but my chest still ached.

"Actually, no. I have proposed a new plan. She will stay with me majority of the time and I will be her guardian and everyday except for weekends she will come visit Angelina for a therapy session." Mag demanded, she was friendly but still had the "don't mess with me" tone. Mark looked utterly shocked and dumbfounded by this plan, like he had been the one to make me better.

"I completely disagree. I'm sorry, but Chloe needs to be in a safe and controlled environment and that is here with us." He refused, I felt weak and useless, because I had no control over my own life. Which was sad really.

"Ha," I snapped, "Fuck you Mark." and as I said that I pointed up my middle finger at him and walked out back to Mags car. I heard footsteps follow me so I didn't dare look back.

"Chloe! Chloe, wait!" I heard a voice shout, it was a female. I knew it wasn't Mag so it had to be Angelina. I stopped and turned around happy that it wasn't Mark.

"What?" I asked bluntly,

"I know Mark isn't really the right person to be making those decisions, but you have to understand that-" before Angelina could finish her sentence I interrupted her,

"Hell no he doesn't have a right. It's my life, when are all of you going to realize that!? Mag can't make the decisions, you can't make the decisions and Mark definitely can't make any damn decision either. I make the decisions. I'm so sick of people controlling me! I'm so sick of my mind controlling me. I'm in an endless cycle of trying to kill myself but never fully making it and it sucks so much. I have no mother, God knows where my father is and I'm stuck. Stuck in a place that is only making me sink further while I'm already drowning. So shut up. Everyone can shut up and stop trying to help me. It's not working get that in your thick head, all three of you can." I shouted. I was pissed, I didn't know what triggered me to be so mad, but I was. I loved Mag, but she didn't have the right to control me just like those other two. And I was happy with the decision for her to decide that I was going to live with her and visit Angelina, but no one ever asked me what I thought.

"Okay." Is all Angelina said, then she went back inside letting me cool off a bit. A few minutes later Mag and Mark joined her outside to come talk to me,

"Right, Chloe has informed me that it's her life and that she needs to start making the decisions from here so we're all going to listen to what she has to say." they both nodded in agreement,

"I'm happy to stay with Mag and I think me having a therapy session most days will be good. So I agree with Mag, but I also want to go to a real school. Not some special people school or whatever, a proper high school. If it gets too overwhelming then we will change things, but that's that." I nodded agreeing with my statement, it never really crossed my mind that I wanted to go to school. I mean after all it is only filled with judgmental souls. Nonetheless I still wanted to be a somewhat normal teenager before I died.

"Honey, I don't know if that's such a good idea" Mag spoke, I knew she was only worried for my health but this was for me. This was for my life.

"Mag, just let her try. It may be good for her." Angelina dismissed the matter and with that I left the asylum getting my way. I had never gotten my way before, hopefully this would lead to a change.

I sure as hell needed it.