Beautiful Scars

chapter 12

"You may begin, Miss Wilson." The teacher persisted and with that I let the words recite from my tongue into the cold atmosphere where I stood.

"Most people say that the years of being an adolescent is the time to find yourself, to figure out the identity you want to endeavour for the rest of your existence. For example, Mr. Zito found himself to be a teacher, maybe he figured he wanted to be a father and a husband, that he wanted to live in a small town and he also found out the hobbies he would invest his time in. He obviously didn't make up his whole life in a second and that's where the years of being a teenager come in.

"I believe however that most people never find themselves. That everyone's always searching for the key of life, they key of whom they are or shall be. Everyone encounters 'what if' moments in their lifetime and this indicates that no matter if you're an adolescent or the oldest man in the world, if you have ever had a 'what if' moment, unfortunately you are indeed still finding yourself. And I'm scared, frightened out of my mind to be precise. Because if the rest of my life still consists of me searching for some closure then I will never be truly happy. And well, it's rather gloomy to know that nobody is ever really happy.

"If you take a car for instance, the car is dirty not only on the outside but inside too. You go to the car wash and get it cleaned. On the outside - where everyone can see - the car seems clean, but on the inside where only a few people get the chance to discover the car is in fact still dirty. This my friends, is every individual that seizes to exist on this earth. And whether you are two years old, fifteen or forty you will always keep wondering, because everyone cannot help themselves but wonder, wonder the 'what ifs' or the 'how's' or the 'where's'.

"And I feel isolated as an adolescent, because I know that not much will really change. I will just have more responsibilities. The only hope left in me is that I turn into those oh very so few people who are truly happy, who can wear a smile on their face and not be afraid of people thinking it's fake. Who instead of wondering, explores and discovers. I hope to be one of those people, one of those happy people. Because no offence, we're all as doomed as each other. Yes, I demand it. One day, we will all feel the same, I will be as happy as you all and you all will be as sad as I. But I truly hope that us as adolescents can try and hold our peace and be truly happy, before time itself comes to a stop."

I finished. I looked up. And all I saw was pairs of eyes staring deeply into mine.

Michael started to applaud and I unfroze ever so slightly, holding this meaningful moment in the palm of my hands.

"Thank you." I spill, knowing that it will end the extraordinary feeling I had grasped inside my stomach. My words finally meant something.

And then the whole class applauded.

"That was rather interesting." Mr Zito examined, I gave a brief smile.

"Baby, you've got something special." Michael leaned towards me from his desk and spoke the words so delicately in my ear that it slightly tickled. His mouth hovered in my ear for a few seconds too long after he spoke. It didn't feel awkward, which in itself is awkward.

"You have no idea how badly I want your lips to teach me your vocabulary." He added and I could feel his smile against my ear.
I giggled slightly and hit his arm.

"Michael, you seem to have a lot to say. Why don't you present next?" Mr Zito suggested,

"Sir, I'm sorry. I do not feel comfortable presenting my lame ass speech in front of the class after that incredible one." I think Michael was trying to make me laugh, and to my weakness it worked. I had the biggest grin on my face and I loved every second of it.