Beautiful Scars

chapter 9

What have I done?
I was bleeding, hectically. My blood was dripping from my insides onto my bathroom sink. I enjoyed the sight of it. Not because I enjoyed the pain, the pain was awful. But because it happened so simply, yet the way it worked is so complicated. I liked it. And although I could see it happen to anyone else and not have to put myself through pain, it was more enjoyable when I did it. It meant I could get a better grasp on what was actually happening. Plus I loved to see me skin open up with each slice, just like a zipper getting undone.

I was crying. My wet tears mixed with my deep red blood was weirdly beautiful. After a few cuts and when the bleeding died down I stopped. I knew Mag was going to notice my knew scars and I wouldn't be able to brush it off. I was going to have to tell her what Coco did. I hope Angelina is okay. Maybe she will come back.
I wasn't feeling over the moon to say the least and matters couldn't really get any worse. So I decided to call Michael. I needed to make sure he was okay.

After the third ring he answered to my surprise.

"Look Chloe, save it. I don't need this." He said straight away like he was about to call me anyway,

"No, you need to hear me out. Michael, I uh... I'm not used to this whole feelings thing, okay? I'm supposed to be bitter and emotionless and I'm scared out of my mind, because all of a sudden this boy comes along and changes all that. And I don't even know what's wrong with me, I never ever let people in and yet I let you in so easily I don't even realize it. It's frustrating. But I like you too much to put you through my never ending battle. I'm still in my own war. I'm stuck in it. Maybe you can come and help me, make me stronger to keep on fighting and I believe you can. But I'm still going to be in a war. A life long one. I cannot escape from it, I can only fight harder." I end, I was not planning on saying anything of a sort to Michael, but as always my heart takes over my head when it comes to this boy,

"I don't care. Maybe I need you. Maybe it's not about you. I'm not saying we have to go all lovey-dovey on each other. But I need you in my life. I've never needed something so much." He whispered, I could tell by the emotion in his voice that he was very serious. I needed him as much as he needed me, but really the truth was we didn't need each other; we wanted each other.

"Jordy told me that you went through some stuff when you were little. He said you're still hurting. Do you think I'm going to make it better?" I asked, I needed to know the answer. I didn't want him to rely on me with something so heavy,

"Chloe, baby. You already have."

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Later in the week Mag and I had a talk. She set some ground rules after the incident with Angelina. I wasn't allowed in the kitchen whatsoever, I had to come home straight from school - which I was starting today - and if I did go somewhere she had to come along. I was satisfied with those rules, because if I was Mag I would've locked myself up in the asylum again. But Mag didn't think like me.

I also apologized to Angelina. She was good about the whole thing, she kept a smile on her face as if it didn't affect her. She was always friendly like that. Our sessions would continue but a security guard had to stand at the front door just to make sure I didn't lose it again. I also got given some pills, they said it was to help with relaxing my mind. I thought that would be a good idea.

As for Michael and I, well we've been texting almost everyday. I'm going to the same school as him and I'm kind of excited to see him everyday. He offered to drive me to school, but with everything that happened, Mag thought it would be best if he didn't.

That morning Mag made me a smoothie, she only filled the glass half way. Baby steps. She also thought it would be a good idea to feed me with liquid that way it would help me with the whole having food in my mouth thing. I drank most of it. I was getting faster at it, but it still filled me up for the day.