Land of the Lost

Chapter 4

'You okay?' Ray asked, for the thousandth time just that day.

Gerard was sitting on the edge of his bed, holding his sketchbook, though his mind was somewhere else. He wasn't sure if it was the meds that kept him like that, or he was just dissociating more than usual. 'Yeah, sure,' he said, trying to believe it himself.

'Are you sure? Isn't it too soon?'

Gerard finally looked up at him, noticing he was worried. 'I'm fine. I just need some normalcy. I was about to go crazier back at home.'

'I get you. I'm just worried about you, man. Waking up to find your friend almost dying in the bathroom floor isn't pretty.'

'I'm sorry about that.'

'No, don't apologize.' Ray sat across from him. 'I just want you to be okay.'

'I am okay.'

His roommate did his best attempt to smile, patting his shoulder. 'Oh – didn't you say you had lost your sketchbook?'

'Yeah,' he said. 'That's what I thought. Apparently, I left it at the library and this guy returned it the other day.'

'That was nice of him.'

'Yeah.' Gerard nodded, staring down at his sketchbook, and realizing what that weird feeling in his stomach was. But he chose not to acknowledge it. His mind was already a mess, and he didn't want to get excited and then turning out he was just imagining things and getting disappointed.

He almost thought about not going to the library, but he had promised Frank he'd be there, and he didn't want to disappoint him for some reason.

Frank.

Just thinking about seeing him again brought a smile to his face.

***

Sometimes Frank regretted doing two majors.

He knew there was nothing else for him to do. Like, he didn't go to parties or socialize or play sports or anything. All he had was books and studying. Even if he had some free time, what would he use it for? So, instead he studied more.

But when he had two papers due the next morning, and he had to finish analyzing Shakespeare. It was only his second year in college and he was starting to hate the one thing he enjoyed more than anything. Reading. But it was too late, and he couldn't fail his classes now or he'd lose his scholarship.

So he got his soup for dinner, and then walked to the library and started working.

He was so focused on an article he was reading that he didn't notice when Gerard came in, and suddenly he was just there, sitting on his usual spot, also very focused on his own stuff. But at least he was back.

Just having him there, existing near him, was enough for Frank.

As much as he wanted to talk to him, he wouldn't know what to say, or how to behave around him, and he'd probably end up embarrassing himself in front of him and ruining everything. So it was better to keep his distance.

An hour or two later, he noticed Gerard getting up, and for a second he thought he'd stop to say bye to him, but he just kept walking straight to the door, and then he was gone.

Yeah, it was for the best.

He shouldn't get excited about something that would never happen.

He tried to finish his paper, but he couldn't concentrate. There was only one thing in his mind, and he didn't let Frank focus on anything else, no matter how hard he tried, and he was starting to ache.