Land of the Lost

Chapter 10

'How are you feeling, Gerard?' the doctor asks.

Numb. He doesn't feel anything anymore. He knows there's something there, but he can't quite reach it. He's not sure if he's even alive. 'I'm fine,' he says, staring at the tile floor.

'Is that why you got admitted yourself in here?'

She has a point, so there's no use in lying.

'I'm going to need you to tell me the truth, Gerard,' she says to him, who's tapping his feet and avoiding eye contact. 'I know it's hard, but it's the only way I can help you.'

'Okay.' He nods, and she takes more notes on her pad, asking more stupid questions. What meds he's on, his symptoms, has he attempted suicide before. And he answers honestly, already tired of talking about it. He just wants to go to bed and stay there.

She makes him fill out more paperwork, and explains the rules of the facility, as well as the schedule. He just nods, unable to fake a smile anymore. He's not sure how he did it the night before while he was with Frank, and wonders if he noticed anything weird.

They take off his belt and shoelaces and give him back the bag of clothes he brought with him.

'I'm glad you asked for help, Gerard,' Dr. Suarez says.

'Me too.'

***

As soon as his English class ends, Frank runs to the cafeteria, hoping to find Gerard there.

Maybe he slept in, and that's why he never showed up that morning. Or maybe he felt sick and went home. He could have a family emergency, and with no cell phone, there was no way to tell Frank. Yeah that's probably why.

He knows he shouldn't worry, but it's too late.

He cares too much about Gerard, and just wants to make sure he's okay. He skips lunch for now, it's not like he's hungry anymore. So, he goes going back to his room and seeing if he's there, or if he can find his roommate and ask him if he's seen Gerard. But no one answers the door when he knocks.

Maybe they're both in class. Yeah, Gerard should be in class by now.

So Frank waits for him outside the building, trying to focus on the paper he needs to write. Except, he can't. He can't stop thinking about Gerard, and there's a little voice in his head that won't shut up.

At least he tries to convince himself that Gerard is in class, or maybe sick. Because the other options would break his heart.

So he waits for him at their usual table in the library.

But Gerard never shows up.

And Frank starts to get more worried, even though, deep inside he knows it was too good to be true.

Deep inside, he knows it was bound to happen at some point.

And as much as he tries to ignore the thought, it makes sense.

Gerard finally got bored of him and left him.

Frank knows it would happen. How could someone so perfect could be with someone like him? there was no way it was real.

How can he be so stupid to have fallen in love? Knowing how it'd end. He sits on his bed, waiting for Gerard, even though he knows he won't show up. He doesn't even hold in the tears anymore, because it's impossible.

Fuck, it hurts so much.

***