Back and Forth

Chapter Fifteen

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I stare at the magazine and I don't know what to do. I don't know what to think or even believe. It's hard to not believe it when there are pictures. It's even harder to not believe that maybe I'm just some lost girl who needs serious help because if this is true that's exactly what I'm going to be.

Perrie. Zayn. Kissing.

That's all that is going through my mind. It's one thing knowing you boyfriend is cheating on you and another actually seeing it with your own eyes. I can't describe the pain I'm feeling at the moment. I keep trying to call him but he isn't answering. I should be the one ignoring him not the other way around.

He promised and I believed him. I'm so stupid, so damn stupid. I should have known this would happen and in a way I kind of did. Not that Zayn was going to kiss Perrie, but that he would break me. I knew he would tear my heart out and not even think twice.

I want to cry. I want to scream and break things. I want to call Zayn and let all my anger out on him. But I can't. I'm so drained and have no energy left. All the pain I'm feeling is numbing and I am just so exhausted.

I dial Harry's number knowing that he will answer. Harry is Zayn's bestfriend and is always with him on tour. I need to talk to Zayn, to yell at him. I also need to know why he did it this time. He promised.

"Hello?" Harry answers in a whisper.

"Where is Zayn?" I ask trying not to sound so weak and broken.

"Kasie he isn't-"

"Don't Harry," I say, shakey.

"Kasie I'm sorry but-"

"Seriously?" I can't hold back anymore. "I'm not fucking stupid Harry! I know he is with you, I know that you know why I'm calling! So don't you fucking dare lie and say he isn't with you!"

"I'll go and get him," he gives in.

"Hello?" Zayn's smooth voice rings through the phone and rage fills me.

"I can't believe you!" I finally sob over the phone.

"Oh please give it up already!" he scoffs. "You shouldn't have lied to my mum and told her I abused you!"

He cheated on me because he thought I told his mom he hurt me?

"I didn't tell her anything! She saw the bruises on my back Zayn! I wouldn't betray you like that!"

"You expect me to believe you?" he ask and laughs afterwards.

"I fucking hate you!" I seethe.

"I hate you too," he replies.

"Why the hell are we even still together?" I ask, wiping away my tears.

"Because you're to much of dependent little cry baby to break up with me," he answers. He always acts like this when he is mad and I hate it.

"Is that so?" I say.

"You know it is. You depend on me too much, babe. You can't leave me, not even if you wanted to. Your parents despise you just as much as I do and you have no money." Venom is dripping from his voice. I've never heard him this angry before.

"So basically I'm just some pathetic girl you can't rid of?"

"Exactly babe."

"Right," I hang up and break down sobbing.

I can't believe this. I hate him so much it's almost impossible that I still love him, but I do. I love him but hate him. It sounds stupid, but it's true. If he died I wouldn't care, but I'd still miss him like crazy. It's so fucking screwed up.